mad dogs and englishmen
Back in 1994 i was living in Derby, the job i had moved down from Glasgow to do was now redundant, as was I. So the baking midlands summer was now mine to enjoy.

A few important things happened that summer, i met Dave, sometimes dope dealer, but a real great guy, and boomerangs. We had really gotten into them in a big way and had a number of different ones between us. Many an hour was spent down the Stockbrook park, pinging them about the place, rarely catching them though. One particularly hot day, Dave comes over with his 'rangs and suggests we go get some cheap beer and hit the park. We duly got the beers and a few smokes and went over to the Arboretum to chill in the summer sun. After about 4 hours we decide to go get more supplies. Dave wasn't adverse to a bit of the old DUI. We decided to head for Allestree park via Sainsburys, we picked up more beer and a small picnic wherein i tried hoummus for the first time and how very addictive it is as well.

Anyway, we had been drinking steadily for the best part of the day, it is now 5pm or so and we are down beside a small lake and there are fishermen etc, twitching away. I throw Daves 'rang the wrong way and it rises really high and crashes back into the ground and snaps in half, FUCK. He picks mine up and standing way to close to the trees throws it shittily and it spins behind him, right into a big copse of trees. So that's that, we are now 'rang-less and a bit annoyed. So we sit down to roll a doobie and contemplate our bad luck when 2 wee idiot guys start to pitch a tent right fucking next to where we are sitting, as in 1-2 feet away. The tent i suppose was to shelter them and their gear as they fished away. So we mutter under our breaths and over our breaths. A drunken Scotsman and a shaven headed potential thug both acting aggresively at the invasion of space didn't seem to phase them. The thing was they could have pitched the tent in a number of places, but right beside us was their preferred spot.

After erecting the large orange hovel they fucked off somewhere, we decided to put all the rubbish from our picnic under the flysheet and burn the fuckers tent down. So we did.

As it started to burn we started to run, back up the hill towards the car park. I must have gone 30 yards and i turned round to see the tent completely ablaze, very flammable. So we run on a bit more, stop and look back to see the two wee guys returning to their now destroyed tent while Dave shouts down at them that they should 'put another sausage on the barbie'. By this time lots of people have seen the disturbance, as there is a golf course at the top of the hill. I drag Dave back to the car and insist he gets to fuck right away. Does he, does he fuck.

He drives along the footpath at the top of the hill and right beside the tee off point for the third hole or whatever, pamping his horn , then down onto the grass, shouting abuse down at the guys at the tent, skidding about like a fucking maniac, pissed up on booze and hashish. By now i was getting very fretfull and suggested we leave right away. We did, but what a day, he really did take it too far and i am still surprised we never got arrested.
(Cancer Joy was short lived, Sun 12 Nov 2006, 17:36, Reply)