Going Too FarEver had one of your mates go too far? Back when I was a teenager I went to stay with a friend in the country. We took his dog for a walk in some woods - which was fun.
We came across a breeding pen for the local pheasant shoot - which was interesting.
But then my friend broke into the cages, grabbed a pheasant, strangled it and proceeded to throw it around, only managing to rescue it from his dog's jaws seconds before a gamekeeper turned up to see what the hell was going on. Now, that was a bit too far...
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chthonic, Fri 10 Nov 2006, 14:11)
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Debt CollectorStrap yourselves in.. another Catchag long one...
It was September 1989 - I was just about to start my second year of A levels and was working during the summer in a local Cinema as an usher - absolute cushy job - watching all the latest releases and getting paid for it.
I had a full suit uniform and looked very smart (this was an independant cinema and the proprietor was very traditional) but I was meeting a friend of mine from Chester off the C84 bus that night. My mate John was 6'8", a former junior power lifter and a drummer in a metal band - long greasy hair denim jacket covered in band sew-on patches and a bullet belt... and a totally uncouth drinking monster.
Another old school friend (Lee) had been for a lads camping holiday during the summer and copped off with some girls - Lee had invited his girl to come and stay so they could continue their horizontal persuits - but his overprotective mother wouldn't allow him to fraternise with girls whilst he still lived at home - so she went to stay at Kenton's house - whose parents were away on holiday.
I met John off the bus and we were walking back to my folks place so I could get changed before we made pissed idiots of ourselves when I stopped next to Kenton's house - Kenton was at work - Lee was at work - girl was by helself - time for wind up.....
I told John to hang out of sight until I called him and knocked very loudly on the back door, waited, then knocked some more. A very timid girl opened the back door a crack and said - "Yes?"
"Mrs Kenton?" - I asked
"No.."
"But this is the Kenton's residence?"
"Yeessss..."
"My name is Mr Catchag, I'm from the Berland debt recovery agency and I'm here to collect goods to the value of £2000 for non payment of credit card bills.."
My foot met the closing door and wedged it open
"You can't come in - they're not here - you can't do this....."
"I'm sorry but there has been months worth of correspondence and I have a court order (I produced the folded timesheet for next weeks shifts at the cinema and waved it at her)I am legally entitled to enter this property and recover goods to the value outstanding"
She had started crying and was banging the door against my foot whimpering at me;
"You can't come in - I won't let you come in"
"This is my colleague, Mr John, who is here for such eventualities"
John stepped under the porch from where he had been out of sight
There was a loud wet fart from the girl and she let go of the door and took a step back with her eyes wide - then burst into tears.
I said her name and she looked at me confused through her sobbbing - so I said her name again and then explained that I was one of Lee's friends and this was a wind up and bless her, despite the state she was in, hawking with upset and stinking of shit - she said
"Oh - do you want to come in then?"
We declined and left - and literally had to hold each other up for laughing all the way back to my folks place
7.30 pm that evening the phone rang
"CUNT" - was the only word said and then Lee hung up.
(, Mon 13 Nov 2006, 14:23, Reply)
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