This is slightly complex...
... and possibly not entirely on topic. So apologies before I even start.

I can't use any names because at least one of the guys involved reads this and I have no idea if any of the others do.

Starting way back in the mists of time when I was still at high school I encountered a truly awesome person (who I shall call "A" for the purposes of this tale). There was a big group of us who would take over a classroom during lunchtime because we were of a slightly geekier persuasion than most of the others at school.

So, me and A got to talking quite a lot. When the original group finally disbanded due to people leaving to go to university or just hanging out with different people; me, A and a couple of others continued hanging out at lunchtimes. But in a different room with the internet (yay!). That sounds like an irrelevant fact, but I don't think it is since it kept the other guys distracted. We'd sit and talk and generally have a laugh. School was so much more bearable with him to look forward to at lunchtimes.

Sitting together, holding hands and hugging. It doesn't get much better than that. The other guys assumed we were going out, as did everyone else I spoke to. Maybe we were, but nothing was ever said or even needed to be said. We just knew and didn't need to say anything.

Then comes the downside. He left the school completely, and when I went to the meeting place for our little group I was told "A isn't here anymore". Didn't even get a chance to say goodbye. So I abandoned those sons-of-bitches and tried to find new people to hang around with.

Fast forward several years to being at university. I'd had several short term (and rather fun) relationships along the way, then I got my second long-term boyfriend (I know he's a B3tan, hence no names. If you figure out who I am, I'm so, so sorry). Towards the end of this relationship, A had somehow tracked me down over the internet and I obtained his Bebo and e-mail address. An occasion for cursing and confusion subsequently arose.

Then I got his phone number. Wooo!

There were some rather, er, interesting texts getting sent back and forth and I ended up breaking up with my boyfriend. We both knew it was coming, but I brought it forward because I knew when I saw A I'd end up cheating on the current boyfriend.

He visited, it was fantastic, and I realised it was SIX YEARS since we'd last seen each other. Then he left again, but with a vow to stay in touch and visit each other far sooner than another six years.

We have stayed in touch, and it's pretty awesome. But I can't have a serious relationship with anyone just now because of A. Sometimes I get really angry with him, and sometimes I miss him like crazy.

It proves that there's no need to officially "go out" with someone to have something that has a profound effect on your life. I love him to bits, and probably always will. But, dammit, I wish he hadn't had such an effect. I just want to move on and can't do so properly yet.

Blimey, that was rather epic. And cathartic? I don't know. At least it makes some written sense.
(Meya, Fri 29 Aug 2008, 19:02, Reply)