SMILE!
I'm sure I've posted about this in the past, but I can't find it so I'll tell it again....

Like all normal people I'm not confident about my looks.

I'm always of the opinion that *everyone* is prettier/slimmer/fitter/taller/etc. etc. ad nauseum than me.

However when I look at photos of myself taken ten years ago I'm amazed at how normal I look because I certainly didn't feel it at the time.

Anyway....some years ago I was stranded in a night club - I'd gone with a cousin (female this time) and she'd disappeared off to snog her boyfriend and smoke with her mates. I didn't know her mates (I was visiting at the time) and I didn't smoke either.

So I was left wandering about - too shy to just start chatting to someone, too nervous to just start dancing on my own and too scared to fight my way to the bar and get myself a drink.

I was left with one option - to try out what the wise words of Cosmo had told me....

Catch the eye of someone and smile.

So I looked around....

I tend to be the type of person who while not necessarily having the correct attributes nonetheless still behaves as an Alpha Female. I briefly played for a local netball team - well, just the once actually. I have very well developed sense of competition - I *will* win (in my head). Unfortunately I can't catch or throw and when I run to tackle someone I often end up knocking them or myself over.
In short I'm a bit of a liability when it comes to competitive sports.

So, I've established then that *in my head* I'm an Alpha Female however in the real world the only thing I excel at is talking the hind leg off any four legged animal you may care to mention.

All of this meant that when I scanned the night club I was not looking for someone with a kind face* no. I was looking for the very best looking man in the place that did not have another woman welded to his side.

Because to be honest, what did I have to lose?

I was stuck on my own in a place I didn't know for the evening. I'd never see any of these people again.

So sod it, I thought. Find a hot one.

I looked around the room and there was a man who could have been Colin Farrell's better looking brother.

I stared at him.

I sent out those telepathic messages,

"Look at me! Look at me! Look at me!"
thank god this was before Kath and Kim but I can assure you that the Aussie accent is now saying this in my head

He turned his head, caught my eye and I dealt the killer blow....




I smiled





And he smiled back.


Then he came over.
Then he asked to buy me a drink.
Then we went to the quiet bar.
Then we chatted over drinks.
Then I discovered he had an awful affliction...

up close he was unable to lift his head to meet my eyes.


He was cursed with Boob-o-Vision^TM






EDIT The Happy Ending - as requested

While still fixed upon my breasts he managed to ask me back to his place.

There was also some face sucking involved - you know the adverts for Lynx that are currently showing, the creepy ones where the bloke's eye works independently - one on the girl, the other on his sweaty pits...Well they were based upon this man - he managed to both kiss me and peer down my cleavage...

Sorry, heaving cleavage, that was glistening with sweat and just cried out for a tongue to run down my full globes to my pert pink hard nipples.

I asked him what his job was, he replied,

"I'm an international drugs runner"

And at that moment the pulsing that had begun deep within me and had been edging towards my gushing pussy (yes, I had my cat with me, it was in my handbag) suddenly dried up.

I laughed in his face - I couldn't help myself so ridiculous was his claim.


I got a taxi home alone.

And stroked my poor wet pussy there instead.






*the kind you want to slap
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Tue 2 Sep 2008, 11:29, 6 replies)

Did you have some anyway?
I likes a happy ending :)
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Tue 2 Sep 2008, 11:46, closed)

We kissed
He asked me to go back to his place and I very nearly did.

Then I asked him what his job was...

He told me he was an international drugs runner.


I'm afraid I laughed and got a taxi home alone.
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Tue 2 Sep 2008, 11:54, closed)

Ahaha!
THAT's what I'm talking about :)
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Tue 2 Sep 2008, 12:02, closed)

"I'm an international drugs runner"
OMG, you snogged Dwayne Chambers?
( reallywittyname veraciously conspues lexiphanicism on, Tue 2 Sep 2008, 12:26, closed)

^^
Pfft!

Also, Did the wet pussy ruin your handbag?
(Bazongaloid, Tue 2 Sep 2008, 12:36, closed)

You shouldn't
Leave your cat out in the rain!
( jim_bob can herd cats., Tue 2 Sep 2008, 17:42, closed)