Drink! Kebabs! Films! Hamsters!
Years ago I lodged with a guy who had this weird set-up where his ex-wife also rented a room. She was a really nasty piece of work and we didn't get on one little bit. She had a sweet little hamsetr who lived in his little cage in the lounge, happily running round and round on his little wheel. This hamster turned out to be a really good judge of character cos every time I took him out he was fine but if she took him out he'd bite her.

Anyhoo, it wasn't unusual for me to come in after a skinfull, get the little guy out of his cage and let him run round the lounge while I tucked into my kebab and watched whatever film was on late at night.

On the last night I was in the house I had been out with a mate who was going to help me move and who I hadn't seen for ages. We got in absolutely steaming. As usual I took the little guy out of his cage and left him to run around. However, we were so twatted that we completely forgot about him and it was only several hours later when we were about to crash that we suddenly remembered him. In a drunken panic we searched everywhere but concluded that he must be hunkered down somewhere and he'd come out in the morning when he was hungry. I closed the cage door and went to bed.

Next morning my mate comes into my room with a big grin on his face to tell me that someone had opened the patio doors to the garden. Shit! That means that the hamster is now going to be al fresco. As I came out of my room the bitch ex-wife was leaving the house with the usual sneer of disgust as she looked at me. I just gave het a shit eating grin, safe in the knowledge that I had inadvertently liberated the hamster from her evil clutches.

As hamsters are noctural I don't know how long it took them to notice he was gone. I'd love to have seen her face when she opened an apparently locked cage to discover that he's escaped!

I think they know it was me as the bloke who owned the place (who was a total nutter) was asking my girlfriend where I was when he met her at a festival a couple of weeks later. Luckily I'd moved to Cambridge!

The guilt? Well, I do feel sorry for the little guy as he probably ended up as a tasty snack for the local cats. Still, he got his freedom.

Length? It'd make your nose bleed!
(give it six weeks and it might clear up would like to butter your muffin, Fri 31 Aug 2007, 14:54, Reply)