The Red Hand Gang
I was 18, so it's a few years ago, I'd failed my college course and been kicked off my apprenticeship, so I got a temp job at a local factory in the plastics workshop. I was basically operating injection moulding machines, repetetive and boring. This is the sort of job that leads some minds to occupy themselves with mischief.

I arrived in the morning, still sleepy-eyed and longing for my bed, to find a note on my workbench, "Please come to the supervisor's office". I duly trudge in to see the supervisor and am presented with a small bucket, with a checklist of times, 0700 to 1200, and a note from Health & Safety. Apparently, they are doing a check on staff to see if they are suffering any ill effects from the chemicals we are using and would like a sample of urine at each of the times shown on the receptacle.

The 0700 sample is easy to supply, I'd had a couple of beers the night before and it was more a case of making sure I didn't supply too much. 0800 was the same and 0900 (just after morning tea-break), the same. By 1000, the flow had dried up a little, 1100 a little more. The 1200 sample was a bit of a struggle, I had to strain quite a bit to force a little dribble into the half full bucket.

Happy that I'd contributed enough, I wandered, warm bucket in hand, back to my work bench, wondering when Health & Safety would send someone to collect my sample. Back at my bench there was another note, which read "Dear Lardy, someone has been taking the piss out of you. Signed, the Red Hand Gang". A snigger from the other side of the workshop drew my attention to all the other employees lined up to point and laugh at the new boy being so stupid and gullible.

Bastards

Length? Quite long to begin with, but very short by lunchtime
(lardyboy Next stop, Fissplap Central, Fri 22 Aug 2008, 16:34, Reply)