Sloppy Giuseppe reminded me of this
I was in a rather posh eaterie recently with 20 or so people who were all good friends celebrating a birthday - i'm the new bloke here so was feeling slightly awkward but was doing my best to integrate.

one guy clearly fancied himself as the alpha male, huge big bloke with a shaven head. (i'm a short stocky glaswegian) So alpha male is generally a bit pissed and acting up - in front of everyone, out of the blue he suddenly looks me in the eye and goes...

"so Spimf whats it like to suck a dogs cock?"

silence falls across the table

"dunno mate - have you asked your mum?"

(i swear someone gasped in the background)

alpha male leaps up and bellows

"my mum died when i was only seven you bastard!"

"yeah? what happened, choked on a dogs cock did she?"

then in my best attempt at Joe Pesci...

"fuck you ya bald cunt - I'm not buying that. sit down and drink your fucking malibu"

thankfully for me it would seem his mother is alive and well







i think she works at battersea dogs home
( spimf ™ is whoever you want him to be, Sun 24 Aug 2008, 9:05, 5 replies)

Your post
Is one of the funniest items I've read on this site, bloody hilarious, keep them coming ..............um ?????

Tiggy the diver (but now plays the sax)
( Tiggy the diver, Sun 24 Aug 2008, 11:37, closed)

I had to read that twice
I thought you said Joe Pasqualie*

*the squeaky voiced twat whose name I cant spell
( willenium Fist bump for verification, Sun 24 Aug 2008, 11:42, closed)

well hello there tiggy...
not only a dull, cheap, vindictive and nasty little whore (clearly many here agree that shagging some bloke for 6 months to recoup a measly 80 quid makes you that)

but also one that fumes and festers all weekend, then camps out like a little b3tard sniper waiting for my first post, only to come back with some limp sarcasm

i'm very disappointed with you

but then i imagine you're used to that
( spimf ™ is whoever you want him to be, Sun 24 Aug 2008, 11:57, closed)

hang on maybe i'm out of order here
i've had a look at your best answers

• hilarity derived from mis-priced tins of soup in woolworths – when did Woolworths ever sell soup?

• a 20 year grudge against Yellow Pages rooted in your own lack of personality eventually vented on some poor innocent merely trying to do their job

and not forgetting a riveting tale of your anal accounting (cheap again) of the price of toilet roll - ironic that you should mention coloured roll gives you thrush

when clearly you are an irritating cunt
( spimf ™ is whoever you want him to be, Sun 24 Aug 2008, 12:19, closed)

Nice one!
I hate bully cunts like that.
(oneinthepink is at your cervix m'lady, Tue 26 Aug 2008, 10:13, closed)