Sprouts and alligators
When I was a wee schoolboresme, I'd watch and learn from mum how to cook.
One day, she's showing me how to do a Sunday roast (I was about 10, but cooked a lot) and she was prepping the sprouts.
She made little crosses in the bottom of the sprouts and I asked why.
"To let the alligators out" my dearest mummy told me. "Oh bollocks", said I, "alligators don't live in sprouts".
For 2 weeks, mum and the poison dwarf (stepdad) had EVERYONE they knew confirming their story of sprout alligators.

On the 3rd Sunday, mum was making a roast and I was out swimming or something. She had a plaster (bandaid, for you yanks) on her finger, and the blood was mixed with pus and showing through. It was gnarly. When I asked what happened, she replied that when she was doing the sprouts, one of the alligators bit her. By this point, I'm almost believing there are alligators in sprouts.

I start to eat my dinner, and as I turned over a sprout, it was covered in blood and pus*. I screamed, threw my dinner away and mum, poison dwarf and twin all pissed themselves laughing.

I haven't touched a sprout since, and I was about 13 when I finally realised my mum lied about the alligators!

*red and green felt pen
( Batshitmentalist is sane for once, Tue 26 Aug 2008, 19:17, 1 reply)

This just goes to confirm...
Sprouts are teh EVIL!

*click*
( snee held his breath since, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 7:32, closed)