At university I had quite long hair
which, untouched by the caresses of Pantene 2-in-1 or any other fancy cosmetics, was a lanky mess of medusa-like tendrils.

To take advantage of this, I bought a sleeveless black dress, some elbow-length velvet gloves and a big floppy witch's hat. The whole outfit contrasted nicely with my size 12 army boots, in which I clomped my way around a pub crawl in Portsmouth one chilly Halloween.

Portsmouth's pubs fall into two categories. Tacky shitholes that cash in on idiotic student drunkenness, and Victorian relics patronised by toothless thugs who hate students with a passion. When planning a pub crawl, you keep your route strictly within the zone of student bars; taking inane student bollocks into a "real" pub is asking for a pint glass in the face.

I took a wrong turn. I don't know how, maybe I tripped over my army boot laces or got sidetracked by my own startling reflection in a shop window, but I ended up separated from the pack of slutty schoolgirls and Jesus impersonators that make up a typical student halloween. And I ended up in The Wrong Pub.

I spent the rest of the night perched on the lap of a gurning ex-punk or ex-docker (or ex-whatever Portsmouth residents used to be when they still classed as humans), sipping pints he bought me and giggling in my best tranny's accent as he felt up the grapefruit I'd stuffed into my bra. I'm not sure if he ever realised I was a bloke or not, or how close our bollocks were considering how thin my dress was.
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Mon 26 Oct 2015, 10:56, 8 replies)

I don't care how you felt about it.
It was the greatest night of my life. I've never been so sexually fulfilled.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Mon 26 Oct 2015, 11:09, closed)

Another winner!

( Pig Bodine., Mon 26 Oct 2015, 11:40, closed)

Now this is a strong showing so early in the week.

( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Mon 26 Oct 2015, 11:55, closed)

I'm trying to set the bar for everyone who follows
so even if I don't win, I know I've done my bit
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Mon 26 Oct 2015, 12:11, closed)

You're showing Roy Castle-like levels of dedication.

( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Mon 26 Oct 2015, 12:27, closed)

Chuckle
La la la Lola

Click
(justin(e), Mon 26 Oct 2015, 12:37, closed)

manolith touched a dog on the bumhole

(AEthelfrith of Bernicia, Sat 31 Oct 2015, 22:06, closed)