Halloween ‘WoooOOoOOoo’ intones Richard McBeef. ‘WooOOooo’. Halloween is upon us, that time of pre Christian spirit worship, the fear of the unknown and the undead….and plastic skeletons from Asda.
What better time to hear your scariest accounts: when have you been most petrified? Ever had an encounter that you couldn’t rationally explain? Perhaps you yourself are a spooky ghost? Do tell.
(, Mon 26 Oct 2015, 10:55)
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At university I had quite long hairwhich, untouched by the caresses of Pantene 2-in-1 or any other fancy cosmetics, was a lanky mess of medusa-like tendrils.
To take advantage of this, I bought a sleeveless black dress, some elbow-length velvet gloves and a big floppy witch's hat. The whole outfit contrasted nicely with my size 12 army boots, in which I clomped my way around a pub crawl in Portsmouth one chilly Halloween.
Portsmouth's pubs fall into two categories. Tacky shitholes that cash in on idiotic student drunkenness, and Victorian relics patronised by toothless thugs who hate students with a passion. When planning a pub crawl, you keep your route strictly within the zone of student bars; taking inane student bollocks into a "real" pub is asking for a pint glass in the face.
I took a wrong turn. I don't know how, maybe I tripped over my army boot laces or got sidetracked by my own startling reflection in a shop window, but I ended up separated from the pack of slutty schoolgirls and Jesus impersonators that make up a typical student halloween. And I ended up in The Wrong Pub.
I spent the rest of the night perched on the lap of a gurning ex-punk or ex-docker (or ex-whatever Portsmouth residents used to be when they still classed as humans), sipping pints he bought me and giggling in my best tranny's accent as he felt up the grapefruit I'd stuffed into my bra. I'm not sure if he ever realised I was a bloke or not, or how close our bollocks were considering how thin my dress was.
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Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Mon 26 Oct 2015, 10:56,
8 replies)
I don't care how you felt about it.It was the greatest night of my life. I've never been so sexually fulfilled.
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monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Mon 26 Oct 2015, 11:09,
closed)
I'm trying to set the bar for everyone who followsso even if I don't win, I know I've done my bit
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Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Mon 26 Oct 2015, 12:11,
closed)
ChuckleLa la la Lola
Click
(, Mon 26 Oct 2015, 12:37, closed)
manolith touched a dog on the bumhole(, Sat 31 Oct 2015, 22:06, closed)
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