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This is a question Helicopter Parents

Back when young ScaryDuck worked in the Dole office rather than simply queuing in it, he had to deal with a claimant brought in by his mum. She did all the talking. He was 40 years old.

Have you had to deal with over-protective parents? Get your Dad to tell us all about it.

(, Thu 10 Sep 2009, 15:13)
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Could explain a lot.
Apologies for some of the length. And to my mother if she should ever come across this. I consider myself very lucky with my parents, there have been some times when I've thought, that's just wrong. You shouldn't even go there. But as I've got older, I've learnt to appreciate some of the reasons why someone can be fucked up.

My mother has had it worst than most I now know. She was born to a very upper class type background- but with upper crust particulars. Ie she was born to my grandfathers mistress. For reasons I may be able to go into later she was dumped in a drawer in a pub dresser because the owners were vague relatives.
She was later taken back by her father and (unwilling) 'step'mother who would never let her forget this. She was brought up during the war, with these parental figures dining literally with royalty and actors and generally doing the top level socialite thing- You should see some of the memorabillia I've inherited!- yet she was beaten and mentally tortured behind this facade. So that's most of the back story. She married my father so that she could go to the cinema and be allowed to watch till the end of the film. But from the day she was married and managed to leave this (now fatherless) family, she had to call her stepmother EVERY SINGLE DAY for at least an hour to hear all her woes and complaints. I remember this as a kid vividly, and the fallout if she for some reason couldn't call her was severe.
When my 'grandmother' got old and ill, my mother looked after her every day, 45 minutes away, whilst still looking after my dad and me and my two sisters, for many years. (She was a weird one my gran, I've never known a blood grandparent, so assumed having to clean the silver and do the garden was normal for a six year old to have to do.) But she was strong and never wavered from her beliefs. She was strong with her battle against illness too, and when she finally went (with a ghostly visit to me I'll never forget (one for another true ghost qotw)) my mother finally was free to live her own life. Almost in time too, as my father suffered from strokes soon after and needed over a decade of care himself. Guess who did all the work? Yup, my mum. So after his death, it's taken another ten years for her to finally find a sense of herself.
A couple of years ago, a letter arrived from a detective type agency. Her real mother, who she'd never even known who she was, had had a son. He had heard rumours of this earlier child and decided to find her. So now she's just coming to terms with the reality of why and so on of why her real mother had no input in her life whatsoever.

So, what's my point you may ask? Well, my mum has always been supportive, always been there, never asked for too much in return, after a life I can only imagine still has an incredible sense of humour and purpose in life. I can honestly say I doubt I could have turned out so balanced. There's a reason why parents do what they do, now I'm one myself I can understand the love behind wanting to look after someone that much, but I can see the detriment caused by overuse of that sentiment. I've never been helicoptered and I hope I'll never fall into that trap, but to those who have, take heart- believe it or not- they've usually got your best interests at heart. Even if they are misguided.

No apologies for lack of funnies. If you can find humour in life after a life like that as my mum can, you deserve a pat on the back.
(, Fri 11 Sep 2009, 13:08, 3 replies)
Good entry, well written
And I now wanna know the ghostly visit part.

Have a click. :o)
(, Fri 11 Sep 2009, 14:10, closed)
The ghostly bit isn't all that,
I knew she was close- had been for some time- but I had a climbing trip planned and was off to France. Driving down the motorway to the ferry all of a sudden my nan appeared in the road in front of me in her nightdress. Time stopped, it was one of those creepy floating through the car and me moments (like the ghosts in the Matrix) and she was gone. It was days after I found out that was the exact moment of death for her. She was a spiritualist and always claimed funny things. The moment it happened, I stopped worrying about her situation. I hope she found her peace.
Thanks for the comments by the way. It's not often I have any relevant input on here!
(, Fri 11 Sep 2009, 14:23, closed)
I was wondering about that
I gave you a click too.
(, Fri 11 Sep 2009, 20:23, closed)

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