Burn in Hell? Why not just do it in church instead and cut out the middle man?
Possibly a bit tenuous...

My ex wife's family has a bit of a history with places of worship, and not because they're all Catholics either.

Her cousin, for example, when he was but a young, boistrous lad, managed to burn down a church through the judicious placing of some fiery matches next to some particularly dry timber. He just wanted to see what would happen, apparently.

The missus, not to be outdone, went on in later years to not only attempt to burn down the church whilst attending mass, but also had the cunning foresight to make it look like an accident by setting fire to herself first.

If you're going to light a candle in church, do not attempt to do so whilst wearing a top with ludicrously wide sleeves. And certainly don't attempt to place your lit candle behind several rows of similarly-lit waxy offerings...
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Thu 11 Dec 2008, 14:38, Reply)