I'm going to Hell......because I said the Lord's Prayer backwards at a funeral to summon up the Goat of Mendes, Freddie Woo tells us. Tell us why you're doomed.
Thanks to Kaol for the suggestion
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Scaryduck LIKES EGG, Thu 11 Dec 2008, 13:09)
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OMG! Thank God I don’t believe in God! Oh, hang on...It was only last Sunday…before the footy kicked off, I was praying to the masters of beer and porn to grant me their dutiful bounty.
And lo, it happened.
I checked my secret stash and discovered a plethora of beer, weed, Jazz mags and illegally downloaded t’interwebz grumble.
And it was good.
To display my immense satisfaction for what was shaping up to be a God-cunting Jeebus-spanker of a day, I decided to fashion my collection into the shape of a mahooosive cock, to be spread across my living room carpet so I could wonder at it’s magnificence. However, before I could indulge in the delicious goodness therein, I saw a cheeky little fucking spider start crawling across my copy of ‘Mega-jugs monthly’! Well, a few deliberate swipes with my shoe saw off that little cuntboil. And soon, the Alcohol, drug and pervy-wank-a-thon was back on!
And glory shone around.
So what if it was my mum & dad’s wedding anniversary that day? Fuck ‘em! – What have they ever done for me? They can stew in their own mong phlegm for all I care. I’ll see ‘em next time I want something.
Praise be.
Besides, Sunday is ‘my time’. And seeing as my missus is away for the weekend, I’ve taken the liberty of calling the ‘tasty totty’ wife of the jammy fucker next door round for a quick game of ‘Slam in the lamb’. I’d fancied her for ages before we finally got it on, and now I’ve pushed her guts in more times than I can remember. She’s always up for the full on rudies too…and not just in her ‘gash pasty’ either!
And I give thanks and praise.
Hmm, actually, Now I come to think of it…I’ve made (most of) this bollocks up...
But I’m no worse than the twats who made up religion in the first place...
So there’s no such things as ‘heaven’ and ‘hell’ anyway...
And at least I don’t go on /talk.
1. Thou Shalt not worship other gods.
2. Thou Shalt not worship idols.
3. Thou Shalt not misuse God's name.
4. Thou Shalt keep the Sabbath holy.
5. Honour your father & mother.
6. Thou Shalt not murder.
7. Thou Shalt not commit adultery.
8. Thou Shalt not steal.
9. Thou Shalt not lie.
10. Thou Shalt not covet thy neighbours wife.
(, Thu 11 Dec 2008, 15:30, 1 reply)
an excellent post!100% accurate, especially about those paedo's on /talk
(, Sun 14 Dec 2008, 8:21, closed)
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