Not exactly Hell
While on a jaunt to New Zealand, me and my mate were staying in my kiwi friend's holiday home (they call it a 'bach', although there were no German composers in sight), on the north coast in a lovely place called Whakatane Bay.

Anyway, this place is so isolated basically the only thing to do to pass the time is get hammered on cheap boxes of wine. So we did. Staggering about outside late at night, I realised through my drunken haze I needed a piss. I came across a low fence and thought this a perfect place. So I let it all out and felt much better.

That is until, as I was zipping myself up, I saw a sign a bit further along the fence that said "Wahi Tapu". This means, in Maori, "Sacred site", and these places are protected by law as well as no doubt several portions of witchcraft etc, and no doubt are never ever meant to be micturated upon. So basically I'm now on the run from Maori gods, and hope their jurisdiction doesn't extend to here in Lancashire. Oops.
( Satur9 The shoes!, Thu 11 Dec 2008, 21:15, 3 replies)

Oh dear..
"So basically I'm now on the run from Maori gods, and hope their jurisdiction doesn't extend to here in Lancashire. Oops".

It does... you're fucked.
(God 101, Thu 11 Dec 2008, 21:54, closed)

my 2 cents:
I'm not any sort of expert on tapu, but you might be innocent.

You see, tapu doesn't mean 'holy' in the sense we might understand it; rather it's a blanket term for 'restricted'.

I understand that a turuma, the communal latrine area of a village, were amongst the areas regulated by tapu.

So actually, you might have been doing the right thing, being respectful of the Maori way by taking a leak in the appropriate and designated area.

Or, more likely, you did in fact desecrate a Tuahu (altar area), you've contracted a hara (error), and unless you undergo a ceremony to make you noa (safe) again, Tane is going to get you.

In any case, the higher the estate of a man, the more he is subject to the regulation of tapu. As a b3tan, I shouldn't think you're heavily bound.

edit: Apologies for lack of macrons. I'm not too sure how to get the vowels with the two little dots above them, that are required for accuracy and correct pronunciation.
(The Incredible Sulk Finally remembered his password on, Thu 11 Dec 2008, 23:49, closed)

WHAT!!
You pissed on a Maori sacred site!!

You're fucked as bro.

For the benefit of all our lovely Brit bound folk, your average Maori is about 200lbs, heavily tattooed, mini-sumo wrestler and actually quite lovely.

But piss them off, and no one will ever find your body.
(Que?, Fri 12 Dec 2008, 5:18, closed)