Humiliated Teacher / Communion Wine
Hell-Bound: Reason #1: While at Secondary School (boys only – no preteen schoolgirls in this story, I’m afraid), our class was made up almost exclusively of useless, scheming fuckwits; we used to regularly reduce our poor teachers to gibbering misery, such was the misdirected vitriol of our classroom-based antics.

The worst this ever got was when a French student-teacher was working with us for a few months during the second year of our GCSEs. We treated her abominably – quite possibly because she was quite pretty and we got a bizarre, quasi-sexual schoolboy thrill out of regularly torturing her.

On one occasion, we were in class, laughing, shouting and generally behaving like depraved idiots, while she shouted at us to be quiet and waved her hands in the air. Suddenly, she stopped shouting – her face paling visibly and her hands rushing down to cup her crotch…

She was peeing herself, uncontrollably, right in front of us. As the news spread around the class, we were all still and silent, watching with a mixture of horror and guilt as the poor, pretty French girl wet her pants in front of 30 gape-mouthed boys. The moment seemed to last forever, but looking back it was probably a matter of seconds before she stood and half-ran / half-waddled out of the classroom, a trickle of urine leaving a thin, glistening trail as she left…

Hell-Bound: Reason #1: When I was a child of no more than 8 or 9, I used to attend our local Presbyterian Church on a Sunday with my family. On the Sundays when the congregation celebrated communion, I used to sneak into the room behind the main church hall after the service was over and quaff the remaining communion wine (non-alcoholic – fortunately) from all the little shot-glasses.

Occasionally, I’d eat the remains of the bread too, as a sort of debauched appetiser. To this day, I’ve harboured the repressed-guilt from this semi-sacrilegious act…

[ EDIT: Errr... "pop"? ]
(Brett Starbuck, Fri 12 Dec 2008, 10:24, 4 replies)

Communion wine is non-alcoholic?
Damn it, that means I'll have to find a proper off-licence now...
(LongJohnBaldry, Fri 12 Dec 2008, 10:40, closed)

Naaaaah.
They used QC port at the place to which I was dragged as a youngun. It's booze all the way for Anglicans, Catholics and such.

Methodists and other non-conformists are more likely to be teetotalitarian, though.
( Enzyme is powered by sunlight, Fri 12 Dec 2008, 10:46, closed)

"Booze all the way"
I've been to Protestant communion services where they actually used Ribena... Now who's going to hell?
(Brett Starbuck, Fri 12 Dec 2008, 11:09, closed)

Yup.
But the non-conformist churches are Protestant, so my point stands.
( Enzyme is powered by sunlight, Fri 12 Dec 2008, 11:12, closed)