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This is a question I'm going to Hell...

...because I said the Lord's Prayer backwards at a funeral to summon up the Goat of Mendes, Freddie Woo tells us. Tell us why you're doomed.

Thanks to Kaol for the suggestion

(, Thu 11 Dec 2008, 13:09)
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Trolling forums
So when boredom strikes between the hard work of PhD life and crying myself to sleep because I don't have a big willy, I sometimes partake upon the wonderful adventure known as trolling. For those who are unaware, trolling a forum involves making an anonymous account on a particular forum and posting controversial, confrontational and irrelevant matter in order to provoke people into getting pissed off or upset. Trolls on a site such as b3ta or similar are just annoying as we're all on here to have fun, but the real fun with trolling comes when you can do it on a forum full of stupid, opinionated people. My favourites of these are religious, anti-abortion, teen-angst-oriented music and vegan/animal liberation forums. Over the years I've had quite a few good times, some of which I shall share over the following paragraphs.

I once created an account on an anti-abortion forum. One user on this forum had posted a picture of an aborted foetus and she commented on how awful and terrible it was etc. etc. The picture was fucking scary, the thing looked like some sort of possessed zombie child. My response was thus
"Fucking hell. Seriously, if that thing was alive and chasing me round my house, I'd have no qualms about smacking it to death with a shovel. Thank GOD someone had the courtesy to abort that ugly fucker." Typical responses raged from "You monster!" to "I'm going to find out where you live and smack YOU to death with a shovel!" Brilliant.

Religious forums are excellent, particularly because they are normally full of extremely right-wing Americans who have never left their own town/state, let alone their country. The few that are not like this are hardline liberals, and I sit in the middle with a little grin whilst stirring the pot and fanning the flames. Oh, and they SERIOUSLY get intolerant and annoyed when you eventually 'admit' that you are a Muslim after days of arguments.

Teen music ones are easy, there were two girls discussing 'cutting' when they are depressed. A quick "well that's stupid, why don't you just NOT cut? That's funny" led to five pages of threats etc. One girl responded with "they can't help it, I'm an epileptic and I can't control it. Do you think that's funny?"...I picked that one out to reply to with a flashing GIF saying "You deserve a seizure for your posts"*
...that got me banned quite quickly.

But vegans/animal rights people are probably the worst for getting worked up. I think it's got something to do with the vegan diet making them cranky. They have very little comeback to the "with rights come responsibilities, when cows stop shitting everywhere and learn to use a toilet I'll agree that they are safe to walk along the street" argument, but they'll keep on and on and on until you let them think they're right. I (after a few pages of argument) eventually made a second account who came in and said "Did you know that on average 1000kg of corn contains 1kg of ground-up field mice because they are slower than the combine harvester?" and the fun starts again.

All in all, making other people upset on the internet gives me great pleasure.

*pretty sure it wouldn't have actually have caused a seizure, was too slow flashing. I'm not THAT much of a cnut. Hey, maybe I'm not going to hell after all?
(, Fri 12 Dec 2008, 17:42, 6 replies)
Photosensitive epilepsy can be trigged by flashing from anywhere between
5 and 50 hz, which is one of the things I check for when assessing websites. I've no idea what frequency the flashing gif you used though. Would've been really funny if you'd triggered a fit in somebody though, Yeah!

If you just picked a gif off the web though, it's unlikely. They're mostly less than 3hz, so probably no ticket to hell this time.
(, Fri 12 Dec 2008, 17:47, closed)
You're superbly evil sometimes
Which is why I click.

(And because you have a huge willy, no need to cry)
(, Fri 12 Dec 2008, 17:49, closed)
I laughed like fuck reading this :D
*clicks to death*
(, Fri 12 Dec 2008, 19:19, closed)
Hahahah (and click)
I tried to convince my boyfriend the other day that vegans do not actually exist due to maggot eggs in orange juice and other assorted bug parts in other non-meat food products due to normal processing, but he was unconvinced. I think it's hilarious that I'm not the only one with that theory. Insensitivity is awesome and fun.
(, Fri 12 Dec 2008, 22:05, closed)
Tell me, O Gibbon of Oscillation...
... Have you ever considered writing a Blog detailing and recording your exploits as a grade-A troll? Because I was weeping with laughter over those small snippets and am gagging for more!
(, Mon 15 Dec 2008, 7:53, closed)
I've considered it, but bearing in mind some of the nutjobs you
get on animal liberation and scientology websites, I'd rather keep most of my exploits as anonymous as possible to avoid getting some stalker round my house. I really wouldn't put it past them to try and track me down.

With that said, I also had fun on my friend's world of warcraft. I got a kid grounded once. We were carrying out some shitty quest thing and so all the people chat into their nerdy little microphones. Suddenly this little American kid says "Shh! Everybody shhh! My mom's coming in and I'm not meant ot be playin'!"
We sat in silence as we heard his mother saying "Why haven't you started your homework? Were you on the computer? I told you not to play that silly Warcraft game until after eight thirty!"
"No mom I was checking emails now I'm gonna start my homework"
...at this point I screamed into the microphone at the top of my lungs "CUNTING MINGE!"
Silence. THen his mother said "What was that? You WERE playing world of warcraft weren't you! You're grounded mister!"
We logged off to the sound of this kid crying his eyes out.
(, Tue 16 Dec 2008, 12:06, closed)

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