Genitals and hygiene do mix.
A few years ago I became involved with a very, very strange woman. Three hours after meeting we officially became boyfriend and girlfriend. We went back to her flat and good times were enjoyed by all.

A couple of weeks later she tells me that she's returning to Worcester for Christmas and that she'll probably break up with me while she's there. Being based in London and looking forward to being dumped over xmas, I formulate a plan.

Now, where I work has many, many dirty objects that are often left undisturbed for years. I'd been handling many of these one day and had hands that were rather filthy - the worst areas being the thick, black rings of mire underneath all my fingernails on my right hand. I go to her flat without washing my hands and keep them from sight where possible under the guise of attempting reconciliation.

A cuddle and some charm later and we're getting naked on her bed amidst some candlelight. We'd not had sex yet but explored other avenues of adult fun, and my hand slowly, unerringly slid up her thigh as she moaned in anticipation.

Ho ho ho.

I'd never fingered a girl for over an hour, but my wrist was very, very tired afterwards. As I sat on the bus to go home I looked at my hand to find that two of my fingers were completely clean, and every trace of black crust had disappeared from under the nails.

She dumped me like she said she would.

There is a worse story to follow, but that's for when I get back from Tesco.
(ElectricMonk is falling awake on, Tue 16 Dec 2008, 18:36, Reply)