‘In da house’, ‘pop a cap in yo’ ass’, and suchlike…

The other day, I noticed a disgusting pus-like ooze dripping from around my shoulder area. It was foul, and no matter how I tried to mop up the sludge, it kept pissing out and hardening around my bicep.

The next thing I knew it had contorted into a strange, mutated ‘mouth’ shape…just above the elbow. It formed rapidly and twitched like it had a mind of it’s own!

Then, just when my flabber couldn’t be more gasted, after a couple of days it started to talk! Even more bizarrely, it seemed to have developed a strange sort of ‘Gangsta’ personality.

“Yo Pooflake” it spoke to me “I wanna be a rapper on the street, kickin’ it with my homies etc”

I was understandably dubious, but after forceful persuasion, my arm dragged me to a Record company to show them what it could do.

Due to the ‘uniqueness’ of the act I got signed up for a 4 album deal! Fucking hell! I was instantly passed to their image consultants for a radical revamp of my current style.

After being ‘blinged to the max’, given some ‘biatches’ and having my baseball cap turned round the wrong way, they informed me: “We’ve got to give you more ‘cred’”. They then asked me my real name… I told them I was called Lawrence Leyton.

“Hmm…” one considered. “How about calling him: ‘Cool Daddy LL-Elbow?’”

Everyone decided (quite rightly) that this was shit name. It’s too much like ‘LL Cool J’, and besides…nobody say’s ‘Cool’ anymore. Even I know that.

“What if we put a number in the name…like 2-Pac does?”...Somebody suggested. We all agreed that was not too shabby.

But the biggest problem was the elbow / bicep area itself…how can you give that a glamorous name? Then someone came up with the perfect idea: ‘Why not call it a ‘wing’?

It was decided…and thus my career was launched.

So that’s it, from now on the hideous seepage that raps from beneath my shoulder is to be known as…..Arm goo ‘Wing-2L’

I know it’s early…and if I don’t have a personal seat next to Beelzebub for this then there is no justice in the world.
( Pooflake braces for an onslaught..., Wed 17 Dec 2008, 12:54, 5 replies)

Hell is very quick these days...

For some reason My t'interwebz connection shat up at the prospect of posting this...so I clicked 'post' a few times...and the next thing I knew I had posted it about 10 times!

Doh! - Apologies...for pretty much everything.
( Pooflake braces for an onslaught..., Wed 17 Dec 2008, 12:57, closed)

*snort*
Pooflake's ISP has a Pooflake filter...

*giggles*
( snee held his breath since, Wed 17 Dec 2008, 13:11, closed)

There's no technology in the world that can hold me down...!

It's having a fucking good try though, it's taken me nearly 5 minutes to post this reply.
( Pooflake braces for an onslaught..., Wed 17 Dec 2008, 13:15, closed)

That made me think
of an old user name I had on another forum.

At the time I had just gotten the Big Black Hissy Thing, and my girlfriend at the time had an orange tiger kitten. I thought about the irony of a middle aged white guy doing a rapper persona and came up with my name- Tucatz.

Never did develop that persona, but I do like the name...
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Wed 17 Dec 2008, 13:11, closed)

*grins & groans simultaneously*
*clicks*

*licks Pooflake*

(in the face!)
( Tourette's ( . )( . ) has a monkey hair in her fried egg, Wed 17 Dec 2008, 14:52, closed)