Make him Australian, and
I worked with that guy. He stank. All year around. He was huge. He always wore a knitted jumper, no matter the weather. He was obnoxious. He was always right (in his own mind). He was obese. He was an audible breather. He sulked when a manager overrode his decisions. He would have the odd tantrum over ridiculous stuff and spit as he foamed at the mouth.

This guy would also sneak up behind you and act surprised when you realised he was there because you could SMELL HIM. Sadly I didn't tell him it was because I could smell him. He received flowers at work, insisting he had a girlfriend who lived in America and she had them delivered to his work address, rather than his home. Eventually he left and apparently moved to the US, so perhaps he truly did have a girlfriend there - or not. (I suspect the flowers were bought at the local gas station - no one would pay to have 6 carnations delivered unless they were expecting to have said carnations roughly inserted into the eye of their penis).

Did I mention he was ugly?

And I really hated him too.

I am so glad you did a little dance.
(Dog Bum Cute, wiggly, has scary anal glands, Fri 25 Sep 2009, 16:15, 1 reply)

Thanks
It does the soul good to share pain.

This guy actually did have a girlfriend who - amazingly - was every bit as fat, ugly, sweaty and open-source obsessed as he was. The rest of the team & I used to wonder what they did at home: we assumed they sat in different rooms and chatted on IRC.

But at least I didn't have to be her line manager.
(MattDP (Squiggle), Fri 25 Sep 2009, 16:30, closed)