Why are there fish?
A few years ago I was working at a PR company. The Managing Director, a former lobby journalist, had never got round to using computers - in fact he was a bit scared of them. He got his PA to do all his typing and dictated stuff to her.

Anyway, one week his PA is away on holiday and there is a really important document to write for a client. So he calls me in.

MD "I need to write this document. DS, how is your shorthand?"
DS "I can't write shorthand."
MD "OK, I will write it out longhand and you can type it up."
DS "I'm not your PA, right? Why don't you just use the computer?"
MD "I'm worried I will do the wrong thing and break it."
DS "It's just like a typewriter. You type here, see, and the words come up there, just like on a sheet of paper. But it's better because you can go back and change things if you make a mistake."
MD (not convinced) "OK, I will give it a go"

So I leave him with a laptop in his room. After a while there are happy tapping noises from his direction and I think I have finally won him round to the wonders of modern technology.

About two hours later I hear a lot of swearing and he comes bursting out of his office.
MD (furious and hyperventilating) "I just stopped typing for a bit and something terrible has happened. I have lost EVERYTHING. EVERYTHING is FUCKING RUINED. The computer is BROKEN. It's YOUR FAULT. I shouldn't have started on the computer. NOW I HAVE TO START EVERYTHING AGAIN. FUCK"
DS "Calm down, tell me what happened."
MD "The screen is BLACK and there are STRANGE THINGS"
DS "Hmm, that doesn't sound right. Let me see."

So I go into his office and there is the laptop, with the screensaver on.

MD "LOOK, FISH. WHY ARE THERE FISH?"
DS "Oh, that's just to protect the screen"
MD "Protect the screen from what? Is it some sort of game? what a fucking waste of time. I didn't know we had GAMES on the computers. WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON, WHY ARE THERE FISH? THERE ARE NO WORDS - WHERE HAVE THE WORDS GONE?"
DS "The words are...well, they are behind the fish."
MD "Well, GET THEM FUCKING BACK. Get rid of the fish. What do we do to get rid of the fish?"
DS "Well, you just push any key really.."
MD "WELL WHY DOESN'T IT FUCKING SAY THAT ON THE FUCKING SCREEN?"
DS "Because most people would know that already..."
MD (banging various multiples of keys - which mysteriously do not shut the screensaver) "FIX IT, FIX IT. FOR FUCKS SAKE MAKE THE FISH GO AWAY"

After that - I kid you not - he got me to go round taking the screensavers off all the computers in the office so other people wouldn't get freaked out.
(Darth Spin, Sat 26 Sep 2009, 4:27, 2 replies)

*click*
Made me laugh. OH GOD NOT THE FISH!
(becky_bubbles, Sat 26 Sep 2009, 16:15, closed)

awesome!

( rofl harris, Sat 26 Sep 2009, 21:52, closed)