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This is a question IT Support

Our IT support guy has been in the job since 1979, and never misses an opportunity to pick up a mouse and say "Hello computer" into it, Star Trek-style. Tell us your tales from the IT support cupboard, either from within or without.

(, Thu 24 Sep 2009, 12:45)
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Not really IT support, but does involve a laptop....
Several years ago, I used to work for a large insurance/investment company on the South Coast (who until recently sponsored a week of sailing and pissing it up on the IOW).

Back in the day when the simplest laptops were made of brick, and were very expensive, if we wanted to play games work from home, then we had to sign them in and out with our IT Dept. and were under strict instructions not to fuck about with them. So, one Friday afternoon, fully intent on finishing some shitty no-one's-ever-going-to-fucking-read-this-report™at home, I duly signed out a shiny, fuck-off laptop from IT. And then I was persuaded by some colleagues to go out for a couple of jars. Now I'm not a total twat, so I left the laptop with the security guard and went out for a couple of quiet beers. And then it all went tits up and I got fucking leathered. I may, or may not, have danced on tables with my tie around my forehead Rambo-stylee (I did say I'm not a total twat, but I am still a twat).

I vaguely remember staggering back into the building and retrieving the laptop from security. Then I woke up. In a bush. In the centre of the town. At about 4am, sans laptop, suit jacket, tie and wallet. Oh fuckety fuck. I stumbled around various bushes looking for my stuff - mainly the laptop, obviously. Fuck all. I did wake up a tramp who'd made a lovely den in a rhododendron tree, however. He wasn't best pleased to see me either.

I phoned the brother-in-law from a pay phone, reverse charge call, as this was before mobile phones became popular, who kindly collected me and drove me home while I wondered how the fuck I was going to explain this one to the wife and the IT manager.

In the morning, 8am, sweating like a rapist and hung over to buggery, I was back in town with the wife, scrabbling in the bushes (fnarr) for my stuff. I found my suit jacket, tie and wallet still in my pocket, folded neatly into a little pillow where I'd fucking left it a few hours previously, but no laptop. Shit, fuck, fuckety-fuck. Only one thing to do.....yep, report it stolen to plod and hope for the best. I went to the cop-shop and reported that I'd "momentarily left it in a telephone box after I'd phoned for a taxi, and some chav/student type had obviously pilfered it." and "Can I have an incident number for the insurance please?", then spent the rest of the weekend wondering if I'd still have a job on Monday.

It took me a couple of hours to put the call in to our IT manager who just knew I was bullshitting, and then told me to leave it with him and he'll come back to me after he'd spoken with the IT Director. 'Paaaarp' went my arse.

Half an hour later, got a call from security, "Someone's just handed in your laptop". Ran down stairs, and there it was. In the security and comfort of my office, I checked it worked, and then relaxed my sphincter for the first time in 3 days. Didn't shit myself, but I did congratulate myself on being a most fortunate chap/lucky twat. Called IT Manager and told him it was all a misunderstanding and I'd just temporarily mislaid it.

When I got home - oh, yes, I still risked taking it home a second time, as I still hadn't done the shitty no-one's-ever-going-to-fucking-read-this-report™ report - I looked a bit closer. There was a note on the desktop from the person who had returned the laptop saying something along the lines of "I have returned your laptop. You stumbled out of a phone box on Friday night and gave it to me. You said, 'Have it. I don't fucking want it'. I'm a poor student, and I reckon I've just saved your job. How's about £50.00?". Well that explains that then. I was genuinely grateful for it being returned, and would have been happy to have paid up - really - except that the 'poor student' forgot to include his contact details. So I deleted it. Oh well. Told the boss on my last day. He laughed and called me a twat. Told you I was.

Length? Too long?
(, Thu 1 Oct 2009, 10:46, 5 replies)
Great read
Company laptops - bane of your life if you've got one and like to get shitfaced. Click!
(, Thu 1 Oct 2009, 10:59, closed)
I was that student
and I claim my 50 pounds.

Not really.
(, Thu 1 Oct 2009, 11:47, closed)
Sure, no problem....
...it's under a rhododendron tree on the South Coast somewhere, but afforementioned urine-smelling vagrant probably beat you to it and has spunked it all on meths and tabs.

Not really. You can't have it. I spent it on dry cleaning and a new tie.
(, Thu 1 Oct 2009, 12:28, closed)
great read
and you are a twat.
(, Thu 1 Oct 2009, 12:06, closed)
Great story
ya drunk twat :)

(, Thu 1 Oct 2009, 12:31, closed)

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