Ye Olde Workmate
I once (in order to engraciate myself with my new workmates) attended a staff party at a hotel local to the store I was currently working. It was here that I saw the worst thing I have ever, and hopefully will ever see in my life.

At this party was a woman who for the purposes of the story we shall call Mary, for that was her name. Mary was a 48 year old woman who had an ever so slight reputation as being a bit of a whore. She openly admitted to having given a blowjob to a man in the carpark of the store (and please bare in mind this is a toy store), as well as a plethora of other things too irrelevent and gut churning to mention.

Anyhow, as more alcohol was consumed and people became increasingly merry I made the mistake of going within 10ft of her, at which point she grabbed me, wrestled me to the ground, sat on me and began to tickle me. This was seen as being extremely funny by all those stood around.

Her new found position of being centre of attention however appeared to excite her little too much, at which point she coughed and got off of me. Everyone laughed at her merry jape, until one member of the drunken rabble pointed at my shirt and shouted "Whats that?" Everyone looked at my shirt, and there faces turned from a laugh to a look of puzzlement, to a horrified expression of realisation. I looked down apprehensivley. What could it be?

Two stains on my otherwise perfectly clean shirt. Thats right...in a single cough she had managed to both piss and shit herself, both of which had seeped through onto me.

And that was the night I was shat and pissed on by a 48 year old woman. The worst things you can ever see are the moist warm stains of a rancid co-worker making your shirt cling to your skin.
( Furness, Mon 25 Jun 2007, 17:07, Reply)