monkey foot
the first one was my own foot.

standing in the street, talking to my brother. a 3-ton concrete sewage pipe, that was supposed to be in a compound, rolls past with four kids inside it.
however, it didn't just roll past, it rolled over. over my foot.
i didn't feel anything for about 5 seconds, just watched my foot swell so fast that it popped the side of my shoe, which fell off. the pain hit me about the same time as my foot reached critical mass, the top of it bursting open with the immense pressure and the inner flesh being squeezed out. quite horrifying for a 10-year-old. i can poke a nail into my foot now without even feeling it.

second was my first school trip. we went to chester zoo, a couple of parents accompanying us as chaperones. me and my friends were with one of these chaperones, my friend jamie's mum. she decided to take us to see the monkeys first.
big mistake.
one particular monkey had shoveled a whole banana into its mouth while we stood there, and proceeded to chew it up. when the banana had reached the desired slimy cosistency, the monkey decided this was the perfect time to show it to us. it took this large handful of fetid, gunky banana and hurled it straight at us.
quite a bit of it hit jamie's mum. the majority of it, however, hit me. in the face.
seeing the foul mush on my mate's mum's coat made me realise just what exactly was clumped on my face and clogging up my nostrils, as well as trying to ooze into my mouth.
was i sick? you'd better believe it. if i'd had time to plan, i'd have puked on that bloody monkey! i've never been able to even smell a banana again without wanting to hurl.
feel free to laugh at either of these.

length? 3 days in hospital and 8 weeks to recover.
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Thu 28 Jun 2007, 3:15, Reply)