Pleasantly surprised it wasn't my problem
A friend (Moe) was staying with us after a horriffic tour of duty in one of the desert countries we're currently "liberating".

Obviously he hadn't had a drink in a fair while having just returned, so I was dreading the worst when we went out for a pint that night.

Mainly I was concerned about what kind of stain he'd leave on my couch, but I guessed I'd just have to wait and see. And a heavy night it was. We were knocking back the harder stuff from a German-themed ale house. Suddenly remembering some sort of responsibility, I ducked out about 2am to escort my gf home.

I woke up in bed about 6am (as I often do) and jumped up. I better check Moe came home. . . . . Nope. No sign of him on the couch.

A few frantic phonecalls to his mobile were met with no response. Normally I'd just put it down to the fact that he'd got lucky. But he'd been through a lot recently so we'd all been worried about his wellbeing.

Eventually, at about 8am I got through to his mobile, only to be greeted by an unknown Irish girl. Relief!

She seemed in good spirits despite the fact that Moe had pissed on her bedroom floor twice.

The second time she even caught him in the act and asked him if he was indeed pissing on her floor. He'd sleepily looked over his shoulder mid-flow and casually remarked: "No".

I got the full story from her. After everyone else had headed home the previous night Moe had been the last man standing and had continued clubbing until about half 3.

Having walked home at about 4am he must have been just yards from my front door when he met the Irish girl. They got chatting and within five minutes she'd talked him into stealing a crate of bananas off the back of a delivery van down the street before they made a run for it back to hers.

Classy lady. She caught a guy pissing on her floor twice and still shagged him.

The following evening Moe was staying with another friend and about 2 in the morning he walked into the kitchen, dropped his keks and pished into them before curling up to sleep right there on the floor.

The host, knowing Moe all too well, just chuckled and put the pissy clothes in the wash.

Moe got over it all though. It seems the desert life wreaks havoc with your body and metabolism in general.

He's mellowed now but I'm sure he's still got plenty more floors to rinse. He once told me he pished the bed . . . . .from across the room. Now that's an achievement.

Moe, I salute you!
(Barry Subchimp, Fri 7 Jan 2011, 14:22, 2 replies)

Oh dear. I pished the bed from across the room once. Wouldn't have been so bad if it had been my bed, rather than my g/f's bed. And she hadn't been in it at the time.

Oops.
(SonofRojBlake, Fri 7 Jan 2011, 15:33, closed)

Ahhh the noble art of Swamping
A tradition proundly pissed down through the ranks of the British army
(Sir Tainley Barking Ezekiel 23:20, Fri 7 Jan 2011, 20:13, closed)