A mate's ex
When I was at college, a friend of mine was going out with a girl who I'd best describe as a nightmare. She was bossy, melodramatic, manipulative and self centered. She was also very manish in looks but that's anouther story.

After an evening of pizza and video games, she demands we play pictionary, so we sit around the table and give it a go. This is turns out to be pretty good fun, one of the group is pretty slow at times, so he makes us laugh a fair bit. After a particularly baffling attempt to draw a picture of a space shuttle we all laugh heartily. I lean forward on the extendable table, head in hand laughing. I shift my weight and CRACK! "Shit!" I think "I'm not sure what's happened but I'm pretty sure it's my fault. Play it cool mong goose, you might just get away with it." I slowly look up, acting casual, I lift my eyes to see all faces on me looking stunned. Realising I may be rumbled, I take my last roll of the dice.

"Holy shit!" I say, my face a mask of shock and confusion. "Did anyone else hear that? What the hell was it?" I ask whilst making an outside run for the 2004 best actor Oscar. An awkward silence followed, broken by the man beast my mate was whacking up with. "You, breaking my table."

Further inspection of the table revealed I had infact broken a runner for the extension, effectively ending the family's ability to host a diner party. The host put this down to the table being properly made. I considered suggesting the wood may not have been cared for and had rotten but I held my tounge.
(Mong goose, Tue 11 Jan 2011, 23:22, 3 replies)

How the fuck could it mean it was properly made?
If it was properly made it wouldn't break the first time someone leans on it. If you wee jumping up and down on it fair enough but not leaning on it
(Wagane, Wed 12 Jan 2011, 0:29, closed)

I can wee jumping up and down,
but I just get piss all over the toilet floor. Worst housemate ever? You knows it.
(stonersmurf stuckin' foned, Wed 12 Jan 2011, 7:11, closed)

you should have said "if this table was as well made as your manly jaw
this wouldn't have happened"

Speak as you find, its for the best in the long run.
(Cov Boy, Wed 12 Jan 2011, 12:04, closed)