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This is a question Housemates

Catch21 says "I go out of my way to make life hell for my shitty middle-class housemates who go running to the landlord every time I break wind". Weird housemates are the gift that keep on giving - tell us about yours.

(, Thu 26 Feb 2009, 13:28)
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Doggy peanut butter
Soooo I live with my boss's son (free rent - with the job), who just about has the sanitary know how of a blob of e-coli.

After moving in the housekeeper and I decided to tackle his room. This man is in his mid-twenties.

His father had just paid for a brand new suite to be put into his bedroom, new bed, mattress, wardrobe... all top of the range lovely stuff.

We attacked his room because I had discovered, upon shoving his shit back in there from ALL OVER THE REST OF THE HOUSE that, after getting the housekeeper to wash his stinking sheets (and iron them) he hadn't bothered to put them back on the new mattress or duvet, and had managed to dye a patch of the new mattress pink.

We got our marigolds on and set to. He'd used the floor as a bin (there was a bin - empty), under his bed as some sort of ecological warzone, and had weird shit marks up the wall, on tissues, on boxers - I can only assume he'd been giving himself a pokeybumwank and not wanted to get his fingers dirty so wrapped them in whatever was closest to hand.

But I digress. That is all background information so that what follows won't sound too naughty.

Roll on a few months. The shithole is back to being a shithole and I've given up. But coming home from a weekend away, after leaving the place spotless to find it utterly trashed I'm not in the best of tempers. My dog is pestering me, so I go to give him a toy that I fill with dog biscuits and peanut butter (to make them stick). Now I KNOW that there was lots of peanut butter left on Friday, but there is none there now.

This mysterious peanut butter vanishing continues for a couple of weeks. I don't mind GIVING people stuff, but if they don't ask first it's stealing.

So when I buy the next pot of peanut butter, I fill the dog's toy, then give the dog the pot, to lick. And leave a good layer of doggy slime on top of what's left.

I've been doing this for 3 weeks now. The pot keeps going down in between doggy licks, and it's about the only thing that has prevented me from murdering the bastard.

I'm planning on ltting him "catch" me giving the dog the pot of peanut butter in a few weeks. Just so he knows.

Ahh, that little rant was cathartic!
(, Thu 26 Feb 2009, 13:47, 3 replies)
Just for the phrase
pokeybumwank, you deserve a click.
(, Thu 26 Feb 2009, 14:31, closed)
Cheers m'love!
tis all.
(, Thu 26 Feb 2009, 14:53, closed)
Have you considered. . .
that he may be using the peanut butter in conjuction with your beloved pooch?

dirty wink ;)
(, Thu 26 Feb 2009, 19:42, closed)

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