Peetoast - Victoria Bitchbury
I lived with a frog sluttin’ brat from Hades at university for three months that seemed to last for a glacial ice age period (at least as long as the current Holocene, glacier fans).

Her name was Vicky (I will post her surname as well when I remember it) and she was a posh talking mummy’s girl who had gone to Cheltenham Ladies College (and never let anyone forget it). Her harpy-like face was at odds with her admittedly hot body. She actually looked like one of those witches from the end of ‘Army of Darkness’ and was a living embodiment of a BOBFOC.

She used to regularly get mummy to come down (from Surrey) down to Exeter to go shopping. Mummy used to love it as well and bought her all sorts of treats and furniture for her room. One occasion she ordered mummy to bring a computer and a computer desk as she needed them. Mummy and a handyman arrived to put the desk together, and I was asked to ‘sort out the computer’. I told the smirking harridan that I was currently suffering from ‘statics’ and could literally blow the computer inside out if I touched it. Fearfully, they then called up for a ‘computer expert’ to help them.

She was studying classics but found studying at university to be ‘trying’. This was the reason she failed all three years and later I found out that she actually spent six years doing a three years course.

She carefully and studiously ignored all cleaning rotas and on one occasion when the rest of my housemates and I had totally deep cleaned the entire house including doing all her washing up (we had taken a stand and not done it but the smell got to be too much), she came down to the kitchen where I was drying some glasses, took a knife out the drawer and some cheese out of the fridge, cut a slice directly on the counter, ate it, and left the knife, cheese, and cheese crumbs where they were and wandered off. With my face aghast, I promptly put the remaining cheese carefully into the pocket of one of her pairs of jeans that was on top of her laundry.

Other highlights include:

- Asked for an extra pizza to be ordered when we were ordering and refused to pay for it because she ‘only had a little pizza and we could sort it out’. This led to a big argument and we ended up sending the little pizza back and got us blacklisted from perfect pizza.

- Initially refused to pay for fairly split gas and electricity bills as ‘she didn’t use any’. We switched off her radiator and disconnected her room from the electricity. She did end up paying.

- One of our housemates had a car and we all used to go shopping on a Sunday. We would then get a list from her of the stuff she wanted while she went a coffee shop with her horsy friends. No money was provided and it proved to be a nightmare to recover the money as apparently ‘we had deliberately chosen sub-standard vegetables and fruit’. Needless to say we never got her any food again.

- She used to be absolutely obsessed with calling up the mega premium numbers that come with those guaranteed win scratchcards that come in shitty magazines and would invariably win a holiday for one to Norfolk on the 29th February departing from the Isle of Skye. Of course when we got the phone bill she denied that she had called anybody anywhere until we managed to prove that only she was in the house when the calls got made.

- Got her dad to buy her a Mercedes EVEN THOUGH SHE COULDN’T DRIVE. It was for learning in apparently.

- Tried to get us to agree to have one of her horses in our back garden living out of a trailer. We said no but she had the horse brought down anyway. She soon had him taken back to her stables when we called the RSPCA to come and inspect our property and they threatened to prosecute her.

In the end we kicked her out.

Then we had a party.

Then we were sick

Then we went to McDonalds.

Then we were sick again.
(powervator and NONE SHALL PASS, Thu 26 Feb 2009, 14:02, 8 replies)

My favourite finale
I've told you that before. Its still true
( SpikeyPickle wishes he was mabazaritchie, Thu 26 Feb 2009, 14:53, closed)

Great read
that is. Cheers!
( SpankyHanky, Thu 26 Feb 2009, 14:58, closed)

Nice!
I used to be at Exeter - I know the type, guessing she probably had many pashminas and uggs too.

Which part of Exeter did you live in? I was down by the station.
(treaclebriggs, Thu 26 Feb 2009, 19:55, closed)

^^
Monks road near Henry's bar.
(powervator and NONE SHALL PASS, Thu 26 Feb 2009, 23:34, closed)

Pedant mode activated:
The Holocene is the current interglacial period, not a glacial ice age period.
(Stu Moo winner of five nobble piece prizes, Thu 26 Feb 2009, 23:38, closed)

my mate Dave
my mate Dave is a snowman from Carlow. He was shagging this snowbird from Croydon for a while. They used to get a lot of funny looks. Sad to think that in this day and age there are still those that dissapprove of interglacial relationships...


bloodywell patent worthy that one...
(The Cats Twat, Thu 26 Feb 2009, 23:53, closed)

The Ending
It's just...sublime.

Points to you, Sir
(Chairman Lmao Something something your mum, Fri 27 Feb 2009, 9:42, closed)

Clicky
I did remember reading before, but it's still good.
(SnowyTheWereRabbit the Leporid from Hell, Fri 27 Feb 2009, 15:30, closed)