Sinus Bread
I had the best housemates ever.

I decided not to go to university one day because I felt a bit ill with flu. I thought, I know what will cheer me up, a big wank!

So I set myself up all proper with all the necessary accoutrements.

Box of tissues – Check, mansized…(alright!)
Baby lotion – Check, possibly not necessary, but just in case.
A few tickle mags – check, and open at beaver central
Vacuum cleaner – check
A pint glass half stuffed with half microwaved mince meat – check, and nicely warm.
Special wanking dressing gown – worn and open.
Atari 2600 joystick – check, just the right size!
Small callipers – check, nice and bitey

Unfortunately getting all of these things ready had tired me out and as I sat in the living room having prepared ‘the tools’, I fell asleep.

I woke up to lots of hooting. There were *a lot* of people in the living room. They were dancing around and looking very excited. My head was covered in flour which I had inhaled. I felt bread forming in my sinuses. I also had 6 cigarettes up my nose. My willy had a liquorice allsort balanced on it.

My housemates had come home and found me dressed to kill, decided to invite lots of other people around in a ‘flash party’, and had taken lots of pictures of me. They had hurled flour at me. They had laughed at the ridiculously small size of my penis and my ludicrously shaped inflated testes.

Shame I had to gas them all because of that.

Incidentally I was honking up nose bread for days afterwards. It was a handy snack on one occasion actually.
(powervator and NONE SHALL PASS, Thu 26 Feb 2009, 17:28, 5 replies)

The calipers
Were a nice touch. My flatmate has an old 2600 somewhere at the bottom of his wardrobe. You've given me an idea...
(Helixdaunting, Fri 27 Feb 2009, 1:49, closed)

Thats just lovely.
Have a *click*
( SpankyHanky, Fri 27 Feb 2009, 11:47, closed)

click for
"Atari 2600 joystick – check, just the right size!"

Soooo wrong.
( djtrialprice, Fri 27 Feb 2009, 16:00, closed)

OK you will all laugh at me
Atari 2600 joystick? Why?
O no I know I shouldn't have asked and now you all know how stupid and naive I am.
I don't care, tell me!
(Siouxfan I'm not staring at you, I am just short sighted, Tue 3 Mar 2009, 13:58, closed)

Ok
I will forgive your naivety. Just because everyone else here is disgusting and vile makes you positively special.

The entire post was made up for effect, but the reference to the Atari 2600 joystick alluded to the (mythical?) pastime of anal masturbation :-)
(powervator and NONE SHALL PASS, Wed 4 Mar 2009, 17:09, closed)