First year at uni.
Now in my 3rd year at university (re doing 2nd year, whoops!) and like most I lived in student accomodation in the first year so was introduced to my new buddies for the year, my flat mates!

K - she was (still is) a totally insane Scottish lass who moved down to uni here in England. Her and her friends (who also lived with us) had their own little language that they invented and was near impossible to understand half the time. She was also an absolute piss head. One morning I stumbled into the kitchen/living room looking for breakfast and was met with the names of every house mate written on the walls... in blood, along with lots of smears. Her drunken handiwork apparantly.

The Gays - 2 really nice guys who ended up living together and going out, one once described to me how Goldfraps 'Ride on a White Horse' was the ultimate anal sex song (apparantly something to do with the beat, take note kids). A few hours later I whent to bed knowing that they where both in the same room to hear Ride on a White Horse blasting out of it. I no longer listen to that song. The other one also knocked on my door once late at night, I opened it and was greeted by the sight of him speeding his tits of, waving a giant black rubber schlong in my face and giggling.

Me - Not quite as interesting im sure, I did however once accidently have sex to 3 Power Metal songs on repeat (Hammerfall, for the interested. It really started annoying me after a short while), had a hidden pet Tarantula for a time and managed to fuck one or two pieces of upholstry of my walls with girls and managed to get away with not paying for them to be replaced

The best however was Bolton.

Bolton was, funnily, from Bolton. A short, spherical and ginger behemoth of a girl. Within 5 minutes of meeting her I could tell she was a daddys girl spoilt closet chav and as such decided to not bother too hard to be friends with her. My other flat mates felt that they should make an effort and became closer friends with her for a while until arguments started out and her psychosis began to show.

Things began to go missing from my flat mates rooms, things like money and credit cards and phones (everyone knew everyone's pin numbers due to the "Going Tesco? Cool pick me up some fags, heres my card." thing they had going). The obvious culprit was Bolton, she refused, called everyone liars and said they hated her and were plotting against her. Eventually the police had to be called and she locked herself in her room, refusing to come out. The police actually threatened to arrest her to which she rapidly opened the door, having all of a sudden found everyones lost stuff lying around her room, she didn't know how they got there. Honest guv.

It got worse however, daddy eventually stopped throwing money at the fat, blubbery wall that was her and she dropped out of uni and failed to pay her rent. This didn't stop her living with us though, oh no. She merely locked her door all the time and pretended to not be in or hid when the people came round to get her out or ask for rent, they couldn't open the door without her permission or an emergency due to privacy reasons or some shit. So we now had a squatter in our flat and damn it, she wasn't even fit.

The finaly straw came however when... *drum roll* she became a prostitute. Yup, several times we would meet random, much much older men in our corridoor coming out of her room looking rather hot and in some cases damn right sickened at what they had just done.

I watched this all with mild amusement, having not tried to be her friend in the first place and therefore having not being one of the people who 'betrayed' her I escaped all the thieving. Joy!

Apologies for spelling and stuff, Im pretty tired :(
(Guilt wants to get in your moist confines, Mon 2 Mar 2009, 0:48, 2 replies)

The hammerfall songs
Hearts on fire by any chance?
(Buftoon posted this on, Mon 2 Mar 2009, 1:21, closed)

Haha
It was one of them yes!

Hearts on fiiire! *thrusts*
(Guilt wants to get in your moist confines, Mon 2 Mar 2009, 1:39, closed)