Sesame Street
I once shared a flat with a selection of characters from Sesame Street. Maybe you think that they're puppets from the workshop of Frank Oz, but in fact they are all real creatures that have managed to live with their freakish nature by becoming children's TV characters. And I can tell you, they're not as nice as you'd think.

Big Bird would sit there in his favourite seat smoking roll-ups and farting. If you changed the channel he'd go ballistic and start a rant of profanities that would make a seaman blush. He was yellow because of the nicotine and the sulphurous fart gas.

Bert and Ernie were sodomites of the first order, bumming each other pretty much all the time. You'd go in the bathroom and see Bert's little velcro arse going like a rabbit into Ernie's knot as they rutted senselessly. They both walked bowlegged.

The Count, of course, had OCD and you'd wake up in the night with him counting the follicles on your head or measuring your flaccid tool for one of his graphs. He was also into kiddie porn and had two hard disks stashed with young boys bending over to pick up a boiled sweet.

Worst of all was Elmo, the ginger cnut. His red fur was matted with spunk most of the time from his ceaselss wanking. Every opporunity he got, he'd whip out his hairy tool and jizz all over the furniture and himself. He reeked like a ripe brie in a dead beggar's pocket.

All true.
(frankspencer, Wed 11 Apr 2007, 13:00, Reply)