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This is a question Apparently I'm a sex offender

I was once paid £15 to count the amount of people visiting a hairdresser. I stood outside for 3 hours with a clicky counter in my pocket, pressing it every time a person entered. Suddenly there's a copper in front of me, I turn and there's another behind. "What are you up to sunshine?" "A rival hairdresser wants to count the competition" "Well, there's been a call from the shop owner that there's a ginger bloke standing outside fiddling with his cock." Have you ever done anything that made strangers think you were a pervert?

(, Thu 17 Aug 2006, 22:20)
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operation cluster fuck
when i was a second year student living in college owned accommodation it was part of the deal that, if we wanted to keep our shared flat for more than a year, the first years sent to look round it had first refusal.

wanting very much to avoid the bother of moving and to keep our group of 2 (extremely fit) girls, 3 boys plus assorted partners, we decided the most effective short to long term strategy would be a three pronged attack designed to make our visitors feel as uncomfortable as possible in the shortest amount of time while remaining apparently, or atleast effectively, innocent as to motive; decreasing the chance of them leaving with a good impression while also leaving little room for independent judgement, and possessing little or no credible or relevant complaint for the college authorities.

moving all the beds into the lounge, we pushed them together, got into various states of undress, and coiled ourselves around one another to wait for their arrival.

obvious and, in the rather permissive zeitgeist of university, perhaps even too tame an impression to truly disrupt the subject so, understanding that good persuasion technique dictates that it is the subtle, unspoken, subconscious impressions that ultimately make or break the more direct assertions, "just enough to be noticeable" make-up was applied to the males, groans of mass ecstacy executed at precisely calculated pitch and volume were immediately stifled as the front door opened; the bathroom being the first room of the house, three tubs of "assumedly innocent but unusual enough to register" vaseline were lined up on the rim of the bath, and the lounge doorknob was given an "apparently accidental but generous" coating of grease.

on entering the dim and by now extremely close atmosphere of the lounge, to our untwitchingly innocent and ever-so-slightly-over-friendly bemusement, our visitors invariably made their excuses and immediately scarpered.

we managed to keep the flat but, alas, not our souls :)
(, Sat 19 Aug 2006, 13:39, Reply)

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