womb inflicted....
I've never felt such mortal terror as reading some of these, but at least they occurred after having been deposited on this mortal coil. Mine was inflicted while still inside of my Mummy, bless her.

When I was born there were loads of complications, my mum nearly died, i was an emergency caesarian and they suspected I had water on the brain, this carried on for 2 years, during which time other post-birth checks must have been neglected.

Fast forward to the kind of age when not having two bollocks present and correct assumes greater relevance, and I'm stricken with fear when a school 'mate' (if thats the word) notices. Cue incessant piss taking from a group of 11 year olds.

Went to the doc who diagnosed an 'undescended right testicle'. Here's me thinking a quick massage will coax the little fella into position. Oh no. Instead cue hospital trip, 5 inch incision just above my thigh, through my whole stomach wall into my pelvic cavity, where the surgeon must then have poked it down from there into my sac by hand. He must have looked forward to me on his schedule!

Most intolerable pain ever. I could barely walk for a week, couldn't dress, wash, wipe my own arse. Worse than that, mum decided to take me to the cinema to cheer me up. We saw Mrs Doubtfire. You try laughing when all your stomach muscles are out of commission. More like ha ha yelp!
(tribalfunkster, Sun 16 Jul 2006, 17:30, Reply)