Back Fanny
Last November, whilst in my final year of uni I spent a large amount of time sitting down doing my dessertation. Or looking at t'internet pron. Can't remember which, really... Anyhoo, One morning I awoke with a rather sore coxics. I just passed it off as a drunken injury.

The pain got worse over the next couple of days, and a mate recommended I see the doc. During the exam, I was told to drop me keks and bend over the examination bed, whilst the female doc poked around my bumcrack with her gloved hands. "Aaah, Mr Manbearpig, it appears you have a pilonidal sinus". WTF is that?
She explains I have an abcess at the top of my cleft, and it should clear up with the course of antibiotics she prescribes me.
Cue several days of unbearable pain, and increasing sickness as the antibiotics and infection take hold. I couldn't sit, stand, walk or lie down, so I smoked rather a lot in an attempt to numb the pain but that just made me worse.

After about a week, I was leaning forward and trying to put on my socks, when I felt a sharp pain from said abcess. As I put my hand down my crack, I feel a rather large amount of liquid. Upon sniffing, I decide I've shat myself and go to the bathroom only to notice my abcess has burst.

Being someone who has always enjoyed squeezing spotsd, I decide to clear all the gunk out and manage to spray the mirror, toilet and wall with a fine jet of foul-smelling, grey/bloody fluid. I get no better over the next couple of days, and anything that I eat or drink comes straight back up.

The folks are getting a bit worried, and my Pa tells me to head down to London where a friend of his will arrange an immediate appointment to check it out. As soon as his doctor friend sees it, I am whipped into surgery after having a drip hooked up to me. ("Have you eaten anything within the last 6 hours?", "Nope, but it's not for lack of trying. Fook, get me a bowl.... bleeargh!")

Usual surgery/hospital shiteness, but the best bit was when I got home. The dressings had to be changed, and the whole family was gathered round to take a look, as well as the family of one of my dad's climbing friends. Gasps and oohs and aahs, I wanted to know how bad it is. So dear Pa takes a photo, and says "Christ son, I never realised you were such a cnut!"

Here's the pic for you

Click for a massively scary back fanny size

Apologies for length, but I'm sure it'd fit up there

EDIT: The arse is the right way up, the abcess is at the top of my arse crack. BTW, it's puss in there, not any dodgy man-based substances. Just to clarify...
(Manbearpig is wearing a rabbitskin jacket and bunny ears, Thu 20 Jul 2006, 6:24, Reply)