Splack!
In a ‘Never Seen Star Wars’ fashion I didn’t attempt ice skating til I was nearly 30. To my surprise I wasn’t completely shit and within an hour I’d built up enough confidence to go faster than my ability warranted. Before long I was hurtling along, arms and legs franticly wind milling, fighting a losing battle with the laws of physics. Did I mention I was at the rink with my brother? Well I was. And he watched me travelling towards him, my feet slipping from under me like an epileptic Cossack dancer with obvious mirth on his face, till I was about six feet away. He had enough time to register a slight concern when, with an almighty slip, both my feet left the ice. Obviously I was worried. Both my forward and angular momentum were of such a magnitude I might end up with a nasty bruise, or a banged head. But my luck was in, the tip of an ice skate had connected with my brothers ball sack which absorbed all that nasty kinetic energy and I landed on my arse unscathed.

My brother?

Yes there was falling to the ground. Yes there was breathless squealing, heroic wailing then pathetic retching. But wait, there was more. In the early hours he awoke in agony with his now massive scrotum taught and bulging. He’d suffered proper damage to the groinal region. He spent days unable to move due to the pain. He couldn’t talk or eat. He went pale, then green with the agony. Standing, sitting, lying, didn’t make any difference. Pain killers didn’t touch it. Years later he still gets the thousand yard stare when bollock related accidents get mentioned.

Still, you’ve got to laugh.
( Ring Of Fire A petty, drooling belming butthurt retard., Fri 8 Mar 2013, 17:11, Reply)