Oh, all right then... John goes to a party
Today, John is going to a birthday party. John is very excited, John likes parties.

See John put on his gold Matador outfit with red brocade and a frilly white shirt.

Janet asks "Is it a fancy-dress party John?"

"No" says John, "if It was, I would have dressed up specially".

Do you think John is a fop? Janet does. See Janet rolling her eyes. Clever Janet.

See John put on his cape and hat.

Janet says, "have a nice time at the party - and you know what will happen if you don't behave?"

See John feel his bruises.

John waves to Janet and walks down the road to the party.

When John arrives at the party there is lots of music and dancing. There are sausage-rolls, pies, cakes, Tizer and green jelly. John likes green jelly - see John's beard go a funny colour.

Melanie Frontage has found some whisky and has to go home early.

After the food the girls start the karaoke. John likes karaoke. Janet says John has a voice like a goose in a mangle. Funny Janet. John even sings a song on the garden swing with two of the girls - what fun.

Soon it is time to go home. John skips down the road swinging his party bag.

When John gets home Janet is doing some ironing. "Hello Janet", says John.

"Did you have a nice time at the party?", says Janet.

"Yes" says John. After the food, Melanie Frontage had to go home when she'd had some Teachers liquor on the sideboard.

"Then the girls got out some magnificent hits, and lined them up on the table to see which ones we liked best. Some of them were a bit long, but there were two that I knew I could handle".

"First I did 'All kinds of everything' with Mrs. Dempsey. Then Mrs. Mason, Mrs. Durrington and I did 'my favourite things' on the garden swing and got a big round of applause".

Do you know which steam setting you should use to iron out troublesome wrinkles? Janet does.

Hear the screams.

Poor John.


I take absolutely no credit for these at all. They're the work of a much more disturbed individual than I
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 18 Jun 2008, 14:53, 5 replies)

Ah, domestic violence...
It's funny 'cause it NEVER HAPPENED.


*Clicks.*
(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 18 Jun 2008, 15:01, closed)

Publish these!
Corrupt a whole generation of children!
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Wed 18 Jun 2008, 15:24, closed)

Well,
They're already out in their original 'as read on the radio by Wogan' format. They're also much funnier when you hear them being read, as terry and the gang try their hardest and fail to stifle their giggles.

I've got volumes 1 & 2 at home. There's now a volume 3...
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 18 Jun 2008, 15:31, closed)

Can said recordings be found on youtube
or any similar repository?
(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 18 Jun 2008, 15:42, closed)

Yep
linky:

uk.youtube.com/watch?v=uGjiKrMO-7I

not sure how many there are though.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 18 Jun 2008, 15:49, closed)