Rob
I met my best mate Rob when I worked at McD's (See last weeks QOTW, fact fans), and the amount of shit we've gotten through together has been purely incredible. Just a sample:

- My girlfriend saying she'd fucked him because she was jealous - I was spending too much time with him, not enough with her. I spent less (read: none at all) time with her after that, which freed up even more valuable pub time.

- His girlfriend completely and utterly bitch-slapping my now-ex-girlfriend for claiming to have fucked him.

- His girlfriend (same one) blaming me for their break up (on account of my having been out helping him find a replacement for a few months before), and attacking me with a knife. Between us, we dropped her like the bitch she was - cue me restraining her while about 20 police in stab vests come bursting through the front door. My response - "Thank fuck for that - I need a pint"

- Him setting me up with a complete slut he knew, only for her to see me as a 'nice guy' and not want to ruin it by shagging me on the first night as she did with any other guy. Cue a two month relationship to get into her knickers just out of sheer male stubbornness (anyone who's heard Eddie Murphy's Raw will know what I mean), only to never call her again after I finally got some.

- Spending my 21st asleep in a nightclub with Rob sitting at the table I was under, hiding me. Followed by me being tied to a lamppost outside said nightclub at kicking out time, topless with "21 Today - Suck here" and a down arrow, resulting in total nudity within about 5 minutes, plus about 6 not-too-shabby-in-my-drunken-state girls taking turns to, ahem, wish me happy birthday before the police untied me.

- Far too many nights spent stone cold sober, first ones on the dance floor before the club even got busy (and getting asked for drugs more than once because of our behaviour)

- Far too many nights spend pissed as farts at 2am, when I had to be up at 6am for work (which is the way tonight is also going)

- Countless relationships on both sides told to fuck off because they upset either the other of us or their respective girlfriend.

That's a tiny snippet of what we've been through - basically, in 10 short years, I have more history with Rob than anyone else I do or ever have known, including family, and it's an unspoken agreement that when any of us need the other, regardless of time or circumstances, we're there, no questions asked, and after the first incident above, we decided that no woman will ever come between best mates.

* your knob joke here - £10 / weeek *
(bblgoose, Mon 31 Jul 2006, 18:14, Reply)