I was a member of a website
populated by the shadiest assortment of basement-dwelling dog-rapists & kiddy-fiddlers who also happened to be in possession of the shonkiest set of photoshop skills that ever graced the lowest gutters of this internet. It was a truly magnificent place.
I say 'was' because recently that hallowed site seems to have cashed in it's chips and the Norwegian fellow by whose hand alone it could be resurrected seems to have gone AWOL about 7 years ago...
Look, it's very complicated o.k? But I met someone off it and I'm still alive. This is my story.

It was about 6 years ago, in the time before I got completely fucking sick of my fellow countrymen and became the happy and contented near-shut-in that I am today. Before I go too much further I have to confess to that I'm an Australian, Perthite to be precise. And one of the banal habits of us Aussies then - not so much now because this computing business seems to have gotten quite popular - was to be completely surprised and delighted when discovering that another Aussie has also worked out how to internet. In those heady days every Aussie online knew each other. So when S and I discovered that we both lived not only on the same continent BUT IN THE SAME STATE and only 3 hours apart, we became instant friends (also S is genuinely a pretty cool guy, to be fair...and in case by some weird magick he is reading this).
So when S messaged me that it was his 21st birthday coming up, I messaged back that that sounded pretty fucking sweet and I would be coming down.
At the time I was seeing a guy, Brad, I'd picked up off adultfriendfinder.com - who turned out to be an abusive psycho (surprise!), but that is another story - although probably a more interesting one if, like me, you're the kind of gratuitous voyeuristic arsehole who enjoys reading about other people's emotional trauma. And you know you are. I digress...
Long story short (ha! no it isn't!), it's after work friday night and Brad-the-psycho and I drive 3 hours down the coast and arrive in bumfuck W.A. (actually one of Western Ausfailure's major regional centres. If you've never been to Bunbury - it's like the south of France. Shut up, it is so. Don't google it.) We swing by a liquor store and grab a bottle of the second-to-finest tequila they have in stock for the birthday boy. Because I really am just that classy.
So by now it's geting lateish, and it's dark. And the local shire clearly didn't believe in wasting money on such frivolities as street signs - possibly to reduce the number of hanging points available to it's population. So I ring S and instead of giving us, you know, instructions, he said he'd drive out to meet us and guide us safely to his house like a big, friendly, probably-been-drinking-all-fucking-day tugboat. Realise that at this point we'd never met before so when he screeches to a halt up to where we were waiting on some desolate sideroad, it was all awkward hugs and introductions and then "Follow me!" so we followed. We got to the party and some drama involving low alcohol supplies was unfolding, so S waves us in and heads back out into the wilds of bumfuck on the mission to secure more appropriate levels of piss.
After his tail lights disappeared, it becomes pretty apparent that most of S's mates appeared to be 16 year old goth chicks with an added assortment of druggies, geeks and ne'er-do-wells. My kinda people, really, but Brad was a dick and an awkward one at that. It was still early days in what was only to be a two month relationship before he showed his true colours and I am a pretty nice person really, so to alleviate his awkwardness and the fact that he stuck out like the sorest of thumbs I stayed by him and was kinda prevented from mingling. For several hours. Until the party boy was processed and released from the lock-up, told that drinking and driving is stupid, m'kay?, and given his summons to appear before the local magistrate.
S finally arrived back at his party, which by this point seemed to involve setting a series of small spot fires in his backyard - they really, really liked to burn stuff. He then set about showing me how to imbibe a 'tequila suicide' which, if I recall, involved rubbing citric acid on one's EYEBALL and then slugging back a lethal-sized dose of tequila.
21st birthdays are memorable, milestone occasions and S's was no different. He got lots of nice gifts, some weed and some tequila, a medium-to-heavily charred backyard, temporary blindness and 8 months loss of his license. Top night.
(Gritty, yet fluffy. kipperpillock is obsessed with me =), Thu 20 Oct 2011, 16:24, 5 replies)

i like this.

( janet aylia y'all motherfuckers need jesus, Thu 20 Oct 2011, 16:56, closed)

I probably would
if I could be arsed to read it.
( His Popiness the Hole Invaded Poland on, Thu 20 Oct 2011, 19:09, closed)

don't. it's not meant for you.
and it would only cheapen the message.
(Gritty, yet fluffy. kipperpillock is obsessed with me =), Fri 21 Oct 2011, 0:27, closed)

Nice to see another Perthian.
And my brother-in-law lives in Bumjabby - if his name began with a "S" instead of "B" I could almost believe that you'd met him.
(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Fri 21 Oct 2011, 9:05, closed)

thanks but
judging from your story, all your in-laws sound insane.
(Gritty, yet fluffy. kipperpillock is obsessed with me =), Fri 21 Oct 2011, 11:21, closed)

Hey if some of them don't appear
on Today Tonight during the week - it's a good thing!
Oh & there was no proposition there, just a "howdy" from 1 Sandgroper to another...
(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Fri 21 Oct 2011, 12:04, closed)

Good ol' WA, eh? I read a report today that asserted there is more cash floating around here atm than in Dubai. Strange days indeed.
(Gritty, yet fluffy. kipperpillock is obsessed with me =), Fri 21 Oct 2011, 14:04, closed)