Movember
I hate you. I hate you with a deep passion.

I hate you because of all the smug looking people walking round with face furniture that says 'look at me, aren't I wacky yet worthy, worship my benevolent humour'. Fotr an entire month, none of you can quite manage to surpess that little upturn of smug self satisfaction at the corner of your mouths when you look at people.

I hate you because of your stupid, annoying, meaningless name. Changing one letter of a word doesn't make a valid portmanteau. And, also, 'Movember'...it tells you nothing. You put it on a poster and it just looks like bad proofreading.

I hate you because I get sent weekly updates of how people are looking in ever increasingly zany pictures of pointing at each others top lips and gurning and wearing sombreros, culminating in you dressed as the village people or Borat Mankinis (by the way, anyone who has ever put on a mankini in the absence of an actual sense of humour should be shot. No argument).

I hate you because you have the arrogance to co-opt a whole month to your cause. one twelth of a year. 30 full days. Between you and Black History Month that only leaves 10 months for the rest of us. And I'd quite like to claim April, if you don't mind.

I hate you when you end, because people start telling you things that you don't want to know like 'At last, my wife will have sex with me again'. Or say things that they don't mean like 'Actually, i think I'll keep it'. (You won't, because then what would you do to get your annual month of attention and adulation next year? Grow your arsehair into combover?)

I hate you because you inspire 'whacky', 'humourous' ideas like shaving your tache into the shape of a question mark.

But most of all, above all else, first and foremost, I hate, detest and loathe you with every screaming fibre of what remains of my humanity because when I grow a moustache I look exactly like Tobias Funke's gayer younger brother.

Die, Movember, Die.
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Sat 2 Apr 2011, 8:07, 8 replies)

why

( enoughblueskyforsailorstrousers, Sat 2 Apr 2011, 8:14, closed)

My post has been edited accordingly...

( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Sat 2 Apr 2011, 8:18, closed)

exactly when did the word moustache become contracted to mo?
is this some form of Americanism?

/sigh
( Fire & Forget it's the only way to be sure, Sat 2 Apr 2011, 8:57, closed)

I always thought it was in reference to 'mow',
as in you stop 'mowing' your facial fuzz for the month. It's not pronounced mohstache, and they don't call it Mouvember. I could be wrong.
( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Sat 2 Apr 2011, 11:51, closed)

Not American
It started in Australia, apparently.
(BearWithLittleBrain, Sat 2 Apr 2011, 12:09, closed)

I hate Movember
Because I am a proud full-beard wearer the whole year round, and during November I am made to look as though I am band-waggoning with every other vacuous cat-faced twunt who thinks it's 'ironic' to grow a moustache... grr

I know a beard isn't a moustache, but it's all facial hair, right?
(Sir Itchalot has a very self-referential signature, Sat 2 Apr 2011, 12:05, closed)

I agree, and so does my wife
That's a lie. My husband has a beard all year round and gets equally pissed off at these Johnny-come-latelys.
( Mrs Entity is in hiding., Sat 2 Apr 2011, 17:26, closed)

Me too

( shinyshinyscalp less a man, more a way of life, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 13:30, closed)