I knew it was over when...
When I was about 16, I had a girlfriend who was your stereotypical daughter-of-the-vicar, shy, country girl type. We were both virgins; I was incredibly horny (even by teenage boy standards) and she... wasn't.

She rang me up one day telling me that her parents were out and that I should come round later so we could have "fun". Imagining the delights that lay ahead of me, I quickly agreed in the squeaky way only a nervous, horny teenager can and shat myself with excitement for the few hours till then.

I came over to her quaint little house that evening (no pun intended) wearing disgusting aftershave, and with a multipack of condoms, whipped cream and a great deal of lube, assuming that my prudish girlfriend had suddenly become some sort of sex fiend.

After a bit of snogging on the couch, she said she was off "to get the videos", at which point I practically had a heart attack. As she went off to get what I assumed would be Anal Adventures or somesuch, I took the liberty of undressing myself fully, and getting my soldier prepared to march into battle.

Needless to say, when she came back into the room with chick flicks for a night of conversation, finding my naked and lubricated self on her living room couch came as quite a surprise. It didn't last much longer, and she wouldn't even let me stay long enough to finish myself off. Shame really...
(Spatula, Thu 21 Jul 2005, 22:55, Reply)