My last girlfriend...
Everything went well for the first couple of weeks of our relationship, until I noticed periods where she'd ignore my texts/phonecalls/MSN messages. Time of the month? More like of the week. Turned out she was going through phases of depression and cut herself regularly. Nice.

Compliments such as 'your hair looks nice' or 'I'll miss you' (when about to go to Paris) were met with 'don't lie' or similar.

She also abused her 'powers' as a girlfriend by:
(a) insisting on drawing on me or attacking me with vaseline (don't ask) whenever I was near her. I walked away once during an attack to the face with a biro, only for her to run after me shouting at me
(b) being rude to me in front of my and her friends, but one day having a go at me for jokingly telling her to "fuck off" in front of... nobody!
(c) inferring things that were way off what I was actually saying: for some reason 'you treat me horribly' means the same as 'you're horrible' and 'my legs are dead' (when she'd been sitting on my lap for hours) means the same as 'get off me you fat slag'
(d) persuading me not to bugger off to my Dad's at half term so she could spend time with me, only to decide not to bother returning my texts/calls when I wanted to see her (see above)
(e) blocking me on MSN Messenger (I found this out when she signed in on my computer). Fucked if I know why...
(f) listening to the first three tracks of an album I decided to buy her before giving up. She even said she liked one of the songs. Why stop listening then?

We ended up splitting up almost exactly a week after I "met" another, much nicer, far better looking girl in London, also a couple of nights after a particularly drunken party. Apparently she was pissed off at me, because I wanted to spend "too much time" with her at said party, I think. She spent most of the evening crying in the toilets there. That prompted an almighty WTF - aren't partners supposed to spend a lot of time together?

So yeah, I knew it was over more or less from the start. Although I managed to last 5 weeks going out with an utter psycho. Result!
(SJH, Thu 28 Jul 2005, 0:26, Reply)