Karma Chameleon and the Lord
First day of secondary school. Queue up in the tuck shop and buy a can of coke. Sitting in the corner drinking said coke and I am approached by the school bully (I am later told), a huge Nigerian by the name of..wait for it..... 'Lord'. I mean as if he wasn't huge enough already you actually had to address him by calling him Lord because that was the fuckers name.

Anyway I'm digressing...Lord proceeds to approach me and asks for a sip of coke. Not wanting to cause any friction I give him the can. The bastard takes the can, takes a huge swig backwards and not only returns back to his normal swig motion but takes a huge swig forwards too. He gives the can back to me with a huge grin on his face and proceeds to walk away. I clean the lip piece and am just about to re-sip my coke when an observer, who has been watching this unfold, says 'I wouldn't drink from that if I were you mate, he's just backwashed it'. Being 11 and straight outta Compton....sorry I mean primary school (couldn't resist ;p) I was unaware of the cunning tricks and guile needed to survice in big school, after all it was my first day.

I got the cnut back though, 2 years later he was having a fight with another kid at school and we all piled into Lord. I swear the whole school beat the living shit out of Lord, kicks, punches, eye gouges rained in on him (all the pent up anger from the years of bullying he's inflicted on everyone I reckon). I personally contributed with several toe punt to his ribs. I hate violence but it felt great at the time. The whole way home I was listening to my walkman and kept on rewinding Cypress Hills 'what around come around kid' reveling in the poignancy of the lyrics to my situation.

Do I win £10?
(CaptainFellatioNelson is trying to kill me, Thu 21 Feb 2008, 17:14, Reply)