Insects, rubber and fire
when i lived in Holland i went through a bit of a blood thirsty stage. My dad is getting the blame of this one though. Given his influence i am pretty sure that if the insects had been people I would have walked free with the help of a good psychiatrist.

Anyhoo, I was about 10 years old and enjoying some balmy summers on the south dutch coast. Everything was rather idyllic and... well.... perfect.

Except for the flies!

They bugged the shit out of everyone, especially me. Upon spotting my feeble attempts at swatting them out of the air with my hand my dad had came to me with an idea. He had a bag full of the big huge thick rubber bands that are used to tie together large stacks of envelopes. he explained that, although flies were quicker than humans on their own, there were few flies that could out maneuver a human-rubber combo.

a bit of practice saw me take on any fly that came my way. I felt like a sniper. it got to the point that i could get them from the other side of the room. Tension. Release. DEATH!

Dad was proud.

That could have been it but things take a sinister turn here. Generally there was nothing left of the fly except a smear and some wreckage.

If the fly had been a person it would have been like an articulated lorry made of rubber ramming into them at 500 mph!

However, sometimes my aim was off or the fly moved. As a result my victim would be stunned instead of obliterated. I was under special instruction from the pater familius to report to him with any such "subjects".

These were promptly thrown in to the biggest spider web I have ever seen. It was about a square metre and home to the biggest 8 eyed 8 legged 2 fanged nightmare i have seen this side of my tv screen.

The poor fly had just dodged annihilation by a fraction of a gnats pubic hair and just as it starts counting its blessings it sees a vision of hairy legged darwinism, all teeth and eyes, rushing towards it.

Dad and i would whoop with excitement as the spider got all Egyptian on the fly ass, mummyfying it in silk.

TLDR? I killed insects.

Dad also let me help him kill off an ant nest with half a gallon of turpentine and a match. I was so impressed I set up a free of charge ant removal service for neighbours and friends parents. Never told them how i would do it until the flames were chest high. The towering flames, the plight of thousands near a horrific agonising death by burning, entire communities wiped out in an orgy of high temperature violence. I secretly pretended the bottle of spirit was the enola gay and i was the pilot.
(OTT, Fri 23 Dec 2011, 16:59, Reply)