Eccentric Parents
My brothers and I never sat down for a meal. My mother and father sat down at a table but we had to stand along the counter - and we couldn't leave until we had permission. And we weren't allowed to speak at table - if we spoke Dad would yell, "Let your meal stop your mouth!" No matter how tired we were, we had to stand. Yeah, they were eccentric.

Now I have dinners lounging on the sofa in front of the box every damn night. And I talk with my mouth full. Ha, ha, Daddy!

Apols for lack of funnies etc.
(Happybara The jungle came alive and took him, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 10:26, 15 replies)

My father used to pile up the table with his hobby stuff
so we never ate at a table as kids, except on a Sunday if we were lucky.

There was a fold-down mangle in the kitchen where you could sit if you got there first. My sister politely asked one day 'May I leave the mangle?'
(Juan Quar is clinging to her front teeth on, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 12:40, closed)

You 'ad a table?!
You were lucky!
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 12:42, closed)

Well, I say 'table'
it were more a broken pallet propped up on bricks. Wi' an old raggy sheet fer a tablecloth.
(Juan Quar is clinging to her front teeth on, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 12:51, closed)

Back 'ome in Yarksher
Wi used to eat us tea - I say tea, it were moo-er scrapin's off t't side of t't septic tank - off t't bottom o' t't quarry, AND we used to lick us plates clean, AND we used to get a thrashin' if we asked fer seconds, but we STILL asked ev'ry night. Med a man oot o' me.
(rampants, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 12:58, closed)

Plates?!
Plates?!
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 13:00, closed)

You were lucky.
We used to make do with taking it in turns to suck a dish cloth dry when I was a lad. We used to dream of plates.
( buffet_the_appetite_slayer ٩(●̮̃•)۶ jacked in to the ICE on, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 13:35, closed)

Dishcloth!!??
We had ter lie outside at t'bottom o't'wastepipe sharin' a straw. Well, I say straw, it were more like a needle from a junkie's syringe.
( His Popiness the Hole Invaded Poland on, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 16:01, closed)

Needle? Needle?
We 'ad ter crouch round an old rusty bit of barbed wire that'd been used to scratch a leper's suppurating arse so he could rub MASSIVE DRUGS into the weeping wound.

Then he'd throw up on it, and then IF we'd been good we were allowed to lick the sick off.
(Juan Quar is clinging to her front teeth on, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 22:26, closed)

Barbed wire? Luxury
we used to live in a shoe box in fast lane of M1. We had to walk miles in our barefeet up hard shoulder covered in broken glass just for a glimpse of some barbed wire.

But, you try telling that to t' kids of today and they won't believe you.
( buffet_the_appetite_slayer ٩(●̮̃•)۶ jacked in to the ICE on, Tue 8 Feb 2011, 7:48, closed)

Shoe box?!
Ya pampered sod!

When I wer a lad, we used to av to sleep in the shower drain of t'local 'ealth club. Woke up every mornin' covered in bleach.

Toen nails for supper, clagnuts for breakfast. If we comlained I got a beatin' wi' rusty squash racquets. The tetanus makes me feel like a man.
(Stiltzkin, Tue 8 Feb 2011, 11:58, closed)

Squash rackets?
Ya posh bastids.
It wor nowt burra broken stick in my day!
( blaireau69 , the Cumbrian Travis Bickle., Tue 8 Feb 2011, 12:43, closed)

Broken stick? You don't know you're born...
We couldn't afford a broken stick, we had to make do wi' a bit of hay that were floatin' in t' gutter, and we'd get flogged 97 hours a day to make up fut lack of stickifulness, and then we wus made to go out and lick t'gutter clean. But we were 'appy.
( His Popiness the Hole Invaded Poland on, Tue 8 Feb 2011, 21:57, closed)

Right.
I had to get up in the morning at ten o'clock at night, eat a lump of cold poison, work twenty-nine hours a day down mill, and pay mill owner for permission to come to work, and when we got home, our Dad would kill us, and dance about on our graves singing "Hallelujah."
(wuckfit Dulce et decorum est Pro patria mori., Tue 8 Feb 2011, 23:41, closed)

Fuck off, Palin
Everbody knows you went to Shrewsbury School.
(Juan Quar is clinging to her front teeth on, Wed 9 Feb 2011, 14:13, closed)

Oooh
Is it posh there? Knives and forks and stuff?
( His Popiness the Hole Invaded Poland on, Wed 9 Feb 2011, 20:31, closed)