Why I was late"On the way to the station, I got hit by a bat, it almost took my head clean off. Then the machine would not accept my ticket and the guy at the gate didn't think I looked like the photo on my travel card. So I had to go home and get my passport.
Then the train was 45 minutes late to the station because of the dangerous badger threat at Carpenters Park.
When I was on the train it took and hour and a half to get past the biscuit factory because the driver was really fat.
Then there was a delay stopping at the station because the train in front had heard we were coming and decided to play a practical joke with a rubber shoe on the track.
That is why I couldn't get here on time today."
What's your best excuse?
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chthonic, Thu 28 Jun 2007, 10:36)
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well.........i'm not sure which one of them, if any, was running late. but i was late myself this morning because i saw the weirdest thing ever on uxbridge high street that confirms all my feelings about this inbred shithole. and i had to stay and watch.
a woman who looked as if she was at least one tit short of an udder was pushing a more severely disabled friend along the street. coming along behind them was what can only accurately be described as a mong, wheeling herself along. but as she wasn't doing a very good or athletic job of it, she was making very slow progress.
as i was getting cash out of a machine, the mong drew level with me and suddenly spotted the other two. she started gibbering and snarling and giving them the finger. which of course they couldn't see, her being behind them and all.
the next thing, she's leapt out of the wheelchair and started running down the street after them like a loon on loon tablets, pushing the wheelchair in front of her and mowing down babies, sky rats, old people, whoever gets in her way. god alone knows what was going through her crazy little mind.
anyway, when she caught up with them, she picked the wheelchair up, shook it at them and grunted, before sitting back down in it and happily wheeling herself away in the opposite direction. i was mesmerised.
still told my boss it was a delay on the piccadilly line, though. there are some things you can't tell politically correctly...
apologies for said severe lack of political correctness as well as general irrelevancy.
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rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 5 Jul 2007, 11:00,
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