Alright, enough bitching. Let's have an answer...
(I feel I could have some ranty fun this week so I'll start with a slightly rehashed repost from the early days of /offtopic)

An open letter to the train companies,

Why the fuck did Southwest Trains decide those weekends at the start of last year were a great time to close the line between Clapham Junction and Barnes, the very same weekend that TFL gave advance warning it was closing the District Line? Anybody want to get to Wandsworth or Putney that weekend? Tough shit, we're not going to let you.

And while I'm here: First Great Western. How in the name of jolly-rogering-fuck do you justify charging me £20 for a day return from London to Reading? I can get all the way from London to fucking Southampton and back ON DIFFERENT DAYS for the same price. You are cocks.

Back to SWT, mainly because I've ended up using your services most of all and because I hate you - tell me, why Surbiton is technically in Zone 6, even though it's closer to London than a large proportion of zone 5 and, I daresay, a few parts of zone 4? I'll tell you why: you spotted a commuter-town-cash-cow and decided you'd shift the boundaries so that you could milk anybody travelling into London from Surbiton. You arrogant kitten-raping, vomit-gurgling fuckbags. Did you honestly think we wouldn't notice?

Oh, I'm sorry: did I hear you say you needed the money to improve your service? Just HOW THE FUCK HAS THIS SERVICE BEEN IMPROVED AS A RESULT OF MY INORDINATELY MORE EXPENSIVE TICKET? I STILL HAVE TO FIGHT MY WAY ONTO A TRAIN WHICH APPEARS TO BE A CARRIAGE SHORTER EVERY WEEK ONLY TO SPEND HALF AN HOUR WITH MY SPINE BENT TO FIT THE WALLS OF THE CARRIAGE, WITH SOME VILE LITTLE CHAV KID STANDING HALF-ON MY TOES AND WITH MY NOSE IN SOME OTHER FUCKER'S SWEATY PINSTRIPED ARMPIT!

With best regards,

Mr S Crow
(LongJohnBaldry, Thu 4 Mar 2010, 14:07, 7 replies)

Oh come on now,
you know you like sticking your nose in pinstriped armpits...
(The Oscillating Gibbon is eating curried squid, Thu 4 Mar 2010, 14:10, closed)

Well, your gibbony armpits do look particularly sexy in pinstripes
But not just anybody's armpits...what do you think I am, some kind of armpit whore?
(LongJohnBaldry, Thu 4 Mar 2010, 14:14, closed)

Armpit
...bandit? How does a armpit bandit sound?
(Helo, Thu 4 Mar 2010, 14:16, closed)

Usually slightly muffled

(The Oscillating Gibbon is eating curried squid, Thu 4 Mar 2010, 14:30, closed)

^
Why I'll never move down south!
(Kip, Thu 4 Mar 2010, 18:07, closed)

Oh god
You brought up FGW. Speaking the companies name brings down ruin and despair on all those around, I've found out/decided.

On a side note, I feel your pain. Clicks for the pain of having to deal with FGW.
(Ghost Atreides enjoying incontestable health benefits on, Fri 5 Mar 2010, 2:25, closed)

I think someone needs to let off a can of joke fart spray on one of those trains

( idonthaveafunnynickname Drink-Aware? Sure. I'm aware I want another drink., Sat 6 Mar 2010, 13:47, closed)