dear mum
why do you feel the need to phone me at 9 a.m to ask me if i know where you've left your glasses? i haven't been to your house for 2 days! also, please stop telling people i will drop things off at their houses for them, i don't know these people and it's not on my way home. no, they can't leave their kids with me for a couple of hours, either. when i come to yours, please don't whistle. when your whistle hits a high pitch, you sound like your mouth needs a shot of WD40. it's really fucking annoying. oh, by the way, EVERYONE is pissed off with your habit of trying to watch 3 programmes at once. pick one and stop flicking between channels! i don't want to paint your toenails, your feet are crusty at the heels and they sicken me. just because i'm not currently dating anyone, this does not mean i am a lesbian, so please stop telling people that i am. stop wearing those fucking pantsuits, they make you look like an elderly penguin. kick tony the fuck out of your house. he's 37, ffs. let the mental tossnugget take care of himself. if you want to stop arguing with dad, stop going over his head and making him feel like he has no say in his own home.
oh, and stop giving in to jack, you fucking pushover.

one more thing: don't give me fashion advice, your dress sense is truly horrendous.



i'm so, SO glad she'll never read this.
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Thu 4 Mar 2010, 20:40, 4 replies)

Remove the bit about crusty feet though and it's a goer!

( @><|= w0nu!) or cunt to my friends, Thu 4 Mar 2010, 21:37, closed)

if i could remove her crusty feet
i would
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Thu 4 Mar 2010, 22:44, closed)

Actually..
I know both you and your mum..
and I've just forwarded her the link.

(nah, only kidding. it'd be funny, though..)
(greatoldone Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl f'tagn, Fri 5 Mar 2010, 11:29, closed)

i have no worries on that score
she can't use a computer as anything but a doorstop
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Fri 5 Mar 2010, 21:52, closed)