To a mother in law....
Dear Mother-In-Law,

I’ll never send this or communicate its contents to you verbally. Maybe I should, but my husband would not forgive me. By the way, you’re in imminent danger of losing him.

Two weeks ago when his father collapsed from a sub arachnoid haemorrhage and had to be rushed to hospital for emergency brain surgery, your son stepped in as he always does because he is a responsible, reliable person.

He took some time off work and drove 150 miles a day to feed the 100 animals that would otherwise have starved on his Dad’s farm. This had to be done every day, his brother couldn’t do it as he can’t drive a tractor, his sister couldn’t do it as she lives even further away and has a two year old to mind.

He has now used up as many annual leave days as he can, so he is working full time whilst still running the farm. He’s also paying all the costs of this. Creditors that knew his Dad was no good for the money are coming out of the woodwork and now my husband and I have to pay them off before we can get the meal, silage and grazing necessary to keep the cattle from starving.
We will shortly be more than €5k in the hole because of this.

You offered to cover these costs at first and so we proceeded, as after all you own 50% of the farm and have no shortage of cash. You’ve now reneged on this offer leaving us in debt and my husband looking bad (for taking time off) at his new job which he got after 6 long desperate months of being unemployed.

I hate your wishy-washy meaningless promises and your ‘ah sure ‘twill all be grand’ attitude. But it’s not just the money. We can get over the money, it’s only money after all.

It’s seeing my husband’s faith in you being destroyed. It’s the knowing that even though he saved the day and kept the show on the road and stopped his father’s ramshackle, tractor-eating quagmire of a farm from being shut down by the Department of Agriculture, he will be stiffed by his own family and not even thanked for what he did. He only did it ‘cos he’s a good person, a responsible man who could never stand to see animals suffer.

I’ve been with him for ten years and he is still the best man I know. I have no idea how he could have sprung from such an irresponsible bunch of troglodytes.

I hate seeing him look at you and knowing how disappointed he is in you, there will be no more helping out on the farm, no more Sunday dinners, there will be no more of him once this crisis is passed.

Despite my best efforts, he’s washing his hands of you and you’re losing the best son any parent could want. He’ll never say it outright, he’ll never deliver an ultimatum, he’ll just finish up whatever needs doing and then leave quietly. And it’s your fault for not stepping up and doing the right thing. I guess it serves you right, but boy is it gonna hurt when you realise he’s gone and you start to feel his absence.

I am so sorry for you, but there will be nothing I can do to help once the Rubicon has been crossed and he’s crossing it now.

Your daughter in law.
PS : Sorry for lack of funny, it’s been a trying few weeks!
(Mediumsizedbear is trying to be littler., Fri 5 Mar 2010, 14:43, 8 replies)

So, is this his mum or his step mum?

(Bazongaloid, Fri 5 Mar 2010, 15:06, closed)

It's...
..his actual blood mother. Does this make it worse?
(Mediumsizedbear is trying to be littler., Fri 5 Mar 2010, 15:13, closed)

Well, yes
Were his parents divorced? If not, why is she not taking over the running of the farm? But if they are, why not just wind up the business?
(Bazongaloid, Fri 5 Mar 2010, 15:32, closed)

Were his parents divorced? Well yes.....
...but divorced 'Irish style'. The father simply walked out 10 years ago. No legal arrangement was made, that would be sensible and we can't be having with that. The father lives on the farm, the mother lives in a house in the town. Now we have a stand-off. My husband knows the farm has to be wound up responsibly and sold, this will take a lot of work and about 6 months to complete. (That's if anything will sell in this fog-sodden, ridiculous country at this stage.)

BUT the mother owns 50% of the farm, the father owns 50% of her house. Neither will sign over anything to the other, neither can sell anything without the other's signature.

The father will probably not agree to the farm being wound up anyway, so the question of selling is probably moot.

It's their generation's problem and we're being forced to pay for it and to sort it out for them as they're too juvenile to come to an agreement themselves.
(Mediumsizedbear is trying to be littler., Fri 5 Mar 2010, 16:22, closed)

Sorry, I thought the father was dead
I got the wrong idea from your first line, obviously with them both being alive and not agreeing this makes everything far more complicated
(Bazongaloid, Fri 5 Mar 2010, 21:38, closed)

...
i don't like this but have a click.
(twiceydrinker hmmm is it pint time?, Fri 5 Mar 2010, 15:41, closed)

Sounds like a really
decent bloke. Clicky
(Obi wanker nobi Its not a bug, its an unexpected feature, Fri 5 Mar 2010, 15:58, closed)

Thanks...
...he really IS a very decent bloke. Like I said, he's still the best man I know.
(Mediumsizedbear is trying to be littler., Fri 5 Mar 2010, 16:56, closed)