Dearest ex-mrsESP,
I recently broke up with you despite knowing full well that you were deeply in love with me. It wasn't because I didn't love you back; that you're 7 years my senior; your crazy yet endearing morning-after hair or that our relationship was all settled after far too short a time. I loved every aspect of you and our relationship but one.

It was because you have no ankle definition despite you being perfectly in shape. Mental images of going to fancy parties with you on my arm haunted my idle moments. You in high heels looking not as incredible as you should. I found myself hoping you would never wear anything but knee boots around me.

I have broken up with possibly the only love of my life due to a genetic anomaly of the least important sort. You probably have less of a chance of getting a broken cankle. Ironically it's increased your chance of a broken heart and for that I apologise. You deserve a man who will not constantly avoid you from the knees down.

yours,

ESP
(ElectricSexPants would like to be the Sultan of something, Fri 5 Mar 2010, 16:03, 3 replies)

I too have broken up with someone that I really liked
She got her hair cut and it made her look like a boy. There was no going back after that.
(Dwarfsmuggler Has hogtied Snow White, Fri 5 Mar 2010, 16:29, closed)

Nothing wrong with that, everyone knows shagging a girl with a boy's haircut makes you gay.
(ElectricSexPants would like to be the Sultan of something, Fri 5 Mar 2010, 16:45, closed)

With me it's hands.
Puts me right off if they 'get noticed'.
( Jimbuktu See? Right here, Fri 5 Mar 2010, 16:50, closed)