One more
My mate once asked me to proof-read a letter to the housing benefit people.. So I did and sent back this:

***
Shaft Fanny-Pack
8 Burglary Street
Shell
HUx xxx

Darling Size,

I have apprehended proof of my “Somewhere-to-live” Detriment and Window Tax medal. I fancy appealing on the argument that the Doss-house detriment granted is both stingy and, in my mental state, bollocks.

The spasmodic pittance doled out - £45.50 – hinges on the ‘raw deal’ guessed by the Cleavage Examiner, yelling that the infrequent penalty I am charged with - £80.77 – is stratospheric based on identical pig-sties over there look.

Whilst this may be hogwash, the damage of £45.50 is taking the piss. I have a nemesis holed up in an utter shit-tip with a completely different harvest to myself who robs £60+ Shack Cash from you now and then.

I would therefore insist that you circumvent the Slit Office to think again about the ‘villainy’. Frankly, I would be horrified if you wandered around my house for no reason.

I would also suggest that you get a fucking move on, as my landlord will bleed me dry on 02/03/2007 and I’m on the bones of my arse as it is. I have been penniless since 02/02/2007, and it is blatant that my planned illness will bag me extra benefits. If I can be arsed, I’ll let you know if I make any cash on the side. Clearly I am scared that my landlord will drill my kneecaps if I cannot come up with the goods when he comes knocking.

If you seek any overly excessive legends please waste your time in flagging me down,

Hear hear,
Arse Demon
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Fri 5 Mar 2010, 16:48, Reply)