Dear Ms. Edith Piaf
YOUR GAS BILL IS NOW OVERDUE!

Thank you for your telephone call received on 03/03/1960. I have thoroughly reviewed your case and whilst I understand that you are currently facing financial difficulties, it is unfortunately necessary for me to obtain some further information from you before a mutually beneficial repayment plan can be finalised.

1. When asked by our customer services representative if you owed any money to British Gas, you said, and I quote, 'No, nothing at all'. This is not reflected in our records, which show that your balance is currently Fr7.53 in arrears. Please provide us with a current meter reading as soon as possible if you feel that this is a mistake.

2. When asked by our customer services representative why you had apparently not responded to any previous communications from us, you twice responded 'I do not regret anything at all'. Please confirm your current contact address and telephone number with our customer services team (number at the top of this letter) at your earliest convenience.

3. You told our customer services representative: "everything is paid, swept away, forgotten". Again, may I draw your attention to your current outstanding balance of Fr7.53. Please provide us with a current meter reading as soon as possible if you feel that this is a mistake.

4. You told our customer services representative: "With my memories I lit the fire". That may well be so, but the fact remains that it took Fr7.53's worth of gas to keep said fire going. Please provide us with a current meter reading as soon as possible if you feel that this is a mistake.

You told our customer services representative: "I am starting again from zero". Unfortunately, we are unable to write off your debt in it's entirety at this time. Please provide us with a current meter reading as soon as possible if you feel that this is a mistake.

You told our customer services representative: "Because from today, my life, my happiness, everything, Starts with you!". Unfortunately, we are unable to offer incentives to existing customers at this time. Please provide us with a current meter reading as soon as possible if you feel that this is a mistake.

Kind regards,

N.D Bailey

Funds recovery co-ordinator

British Gas
( NotDavidBailey isn't all that sure that he is?, Sat 6 Mar 2010, 21:37, 3 replies)

Don't you mean Sylvia Plath?

If North Sea gas had been discovered in 1963 and London had had natural gas instead of town gas, she might be alive today. Houses sometimes blow up when would-be suicides get bored waiting for natural gas to kill and light up cigarettes.
(uncle_bud is not the jelly roll king., Sun 7 Mar 2010, 0:44, closed)

Nah, this one's about Edith Piaf
I just wondered what kind of response she would have got if she had sang what is probably her most famous song down the phone to the debt recovery guys?
( NotDavidBailey isn't all that sure that he is?, Sun 7 Mar 2010, 9:13, closed)

It makes me giggle
every time i see 'Dear Ms. Edith Piaf'
Like
Thanks.
( Herb Alpert's Taxi Driver I have very beautiful lips, Sun 7 Mar 2010, 12:39, closed)