To a former student, 10 years younger than me
Dear D,

It's nice to see you married again and happy this go-around. I'm glad it is working out for you this time. I am also glad you are over the heavy drinking and depression from Army boot camp that made you write Glenn Close/Fatal Attraction-type of scary letters about how you felt about me. And I am happy for you that you don't recall any of it, as it would make you embarassed and ashamed.

It's nice that we're friends again, but to be honest, I googled you and looked you up on Facebook for two reasons: 1) to see if you were still making a mess of your life like when we last spoke and 2) because I am lonely since being widowed and needed an ego boost in my depression.

It's flattering that you still retain remnants of a crush on me after almost 20 years. I really needed that in my life given the type of women I meet now, and I hope you have enough sense not to let it affect your relationship with your husband, who cared enough to adopt the daughter you had with the bum you married before him and after you confessed your "love" for me. I won't take advantage of you now, just as I didn't before. It's not right for many reasons, some of them new. And I am glad you feel good because you know I still care about you as I did when I was a substitute teacher at your high school.

I will tell you it never would have worked out, despite the fact you always wanted it to. I really did always watch out for you because you reminded me of myself at your age -- and still do -- and I wanted to protect and guide you as I wish someone had for me. I am flattered you thought I was worldly and still think I look dashing in a suit, despite my current baldness and belly. You're still an absolute cutie, even with the weight your second pregnancy left you with. And we can say that to each other as friends who like to bolster each other's feelings.

What I won't tell you is that you did have a chance with me romantically, just not the time you thought. It wasn't when you came home from boot camp for Christmas and I from graduate school. I didn't want a long-distance romance, and you were chasing guys and being squirrely, looking for approval from anyone and everyone. And suddenly checking me for tonsils with your tongue wasn't the way to win the attention of my affections. It only reminded me of the difference in our ages.

The one time you did stand a chance with me was the time you never showed up. It was my going away party before grad school (and before your boot camp), and I was drunk and feeling alone knowing that so many of my friends had already left or were also leaving, and that this part of my life was well over. There would be no more group gatherings like that.

Even if I'd been sober, I would have leaned on you that day. And it wouldn't have been simply because you were available and willing. There were attractive women at the party that were such, but I was looking for a connection, and I knew I really did and do care for you. And I wanted to continue having you in my life and wanted to talk you out of what I knew would be a disastrous attempt at being a soldier. I would have tried to get you to come to grad school with me, which would have been just as big a disaster as the Army because you are not an intellectual, and I -- like so many at grad school -- was.

So it's probably good that you forgot about the party and there won't ever be another chance.

And I'm not sure whether that's for the best, but I think in the long run it is.

I wish you luck and look forward to meeting your family, even if your husband and kids call me Mr. W---, as you still do (that's just weird). Such little things warm my heart these days.

Your friend,
Mr. W---

(yes, I wrote about this before. That QOTW answer is in my profile)
(ChiTown Guy Dating when 35+: sane, single, attractive - pick 2, Sun 7 Mar 2010, 23:58, 2 replies)

Paedo eh?
.
(Speshal, Mon 8 Mar 2010, 1:06, closed)

Nope
Really wasn't the least bit interested while I was her teacher or much after that, either. At that point, I was dating women in their 30s -- always a tad older than me. There was just the one window of opportunity well after the student was legal age and I realised she was a woman.

And I was too stupid to know that most of the girls I subbed for had crushes on me. She ended up telling me that just before she decided to lick the inside of my mouth (I should've clued in when she said so). I did know one of the college girls I taught had a crush on me, but looking back, I now realize I had a few girls with crushes. I worry that I will run into them some day.

Right now, it's cool to talk with someone from the old days. The friendship was always there, just befuddled by her hormones.
(ChiTown Guy Dating when 35+: sane, single, attractive - pick 2, Mon 8 Mar 2010, 1:29, closed)